Obama pre-empts Sunday Night Football to warn about GOP concussions

Seeking to protect all Americans from senseless violence, President Barack Obama used his Sunday night address to spotlight the alarming effects of concussions among the Republican presidential field.

He pointed to the recent torrent of crazy talk and behavior by GOP candidates. This ranged from Donald Trump calling to take the War on Terror to jihadi wives to Ted Cruz obliquely threatening use of nuclear weapons to Jeb Bush sometimes signing his name with an exclamation mark and sometimes with a pizza emoji.

“We have a serious mental health problem in this nation,” Obama said. “In my lifetime, I can’t recall this many spot-on impersonations of the suicidal politics of Barry Goldwater. Given how long these candidates have been banging heads, the only rational explanation is repetitive blunt trauma by the entire GOP field.”

“But I symphathize with them. Running for president is never easy, and it’s only gotten worse since I first ran. Take their debate at the Reagan Presidential Library. It was brutal. They were stuck there for three hours when most people whisk in and out in 60 minutes tops,” Obama said.

The Sunday night address was only the third time Obama has spoken to the nation from the Oval Office, but the first to feature his new intro music. Replacing “Hail to the Chief,” Obama entered to John Legend’s 2009 hit “Green Light.”

Said one member of an instant analysis MSNBC focus group, “It was pretty cool. Made it easier to swallow that most of the GOP candidates have become as slow and punchy as Ben Carson.”

SkitSketchJeff is Jeff Burdick, who thinks the Grateful Dead’s “Touch of Gray” would have been more appropriate new theme music.

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