Unquitting

This post is part of ChicagoNow’s Blogapalooza. We are all given a topic at 9:00 and given exactly one hour to publish.
Tonight’t topic : “Write about something in your life you’ve given up but that you wish you still did.”

There are things that we quit that make us better. Whether it be an addiction, a relationship, a friendship or a job, there are some things that we need to let go of because they make us a less awesome version of ourselves.
But sometimes we quit things that we shouldn’t quit.

Everything with me is a process. EVERYTHING. I am a planner, a list maker, an “I must get everything done and it must be awesome” type of person. But I wasn’t that way with my writing. I wrote just to write. Writing was my thing. I didn’t necessarily write for an audience, but I grew to love and appreciate and thrive because of my audience. I wrote for me, and people seemed to enjoy it. I loved that people took the time to read what I wrote, but ultimately, I would write JUST to write…
Until I didn’t.

It’s not so much that I quit writing or that I quit thinking people wanted to read what I wrote from time to time or even that I quit thinking that I could do it…it’s that I quit letting go and JUST writing.

Writing became a process instead of just a stream of conscience. It became something that I felt like I had to make time for, which in turn became another item on my insanely long to do list. I quit JUST writing…and I am seriously pissed at myself for it.

Everything with me is a process and everything is done with other people in mind. My husband, my kids, my family, my friends, my job…
But writing was for me. It was the one thing I did that wasn’t over thought and wasn’t overdone. It was just me, coffee, my computer and whatever the hell I was thinking about.

I quit something that made me a better version of myself because I set my own bar WAY too high. Whether it was 300 or 3000 words, my writing was a way to clear my head and make myself laugh (or cry) and talk about whatever I found stupid or funny or heartwarming at the moment…but I quit letting that be enough

I quit writing just to write.
Until now.
Sometimes when you quit something, you should quit forever and sometimes you should unquit.
I’m unquitting…in a very short, potentially nonsensical blog, I am unquitting.
I am unquitting because as time goes on and my kids grow up, there are less and less things that I even care to do simply for myself…and quitting the one thing that makes me feel totally like me was not cool.

Quitters never win – except for when they quit good things like drugs and stealing and lying and cheating.
Okay, sometimes quitters win.
But sometimes unquitters win, too.

 

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