My whole body hurt when I got home from work yesterday. Office work – it’s not for the weak. It was cold in my cute little office and apparently I sat with my muscles tensed all day long because when I got in my car and blasted the heat and started to thaw, everything started to ache.
I hate getting old.
And being cold.
Anyway, I didn’t think that my cold day in the office was going to be anything worth writing about because, well, a cold day in the office is not really something that I thought most people would find to be a compelling read AND I didn’t want to seem all whiney and complainy and bratty. “Poor Courtney – sitting in her very own office at her very awesome job feeling very cold and very sorry for herself. Isn’t life just very awful.” Yeah. I wasn’t really looking for sympathy over a chilly office…I just wanted to thaw out and enjoy a family dinner to celebrate my dad’s birthday and go home and watch The Blacklist. But instead, the all over tension manifested itself into a massive tension headache and I was on the verge of crossing over to the “scary mommy” version of myself in a hurry.
Sometimes I am funny when I am crabby and angry. My best buddies in college (lovingly, I’m sure) named that version of me “Bitchy Funny Courtney” and they typically found her hysterical. But that version of me wasn’t on the brink of emergence yesterday. My head hurt so bad that it was hurting me to think.
It was somewhere around the produce aisle of our post-work / pre-birthday dinner trip to Target when I knew that we were all in for a real treat if everyone didn’t start treading really lightly, because I just needed a break. As much as I love the sound of my 2 little boys’ voices more than anything else in this world…they were hurting my ears, and my head, (and ultimately my guilt ridden heart) with every single request for produce and every hysterical laugh at the birthday card with burping and farting singing underwear that they chose for PaPa’s birthday.
“No Blake, we don’t need bananas. Not green ones or yellow ones.”
“No Ben, I really really don’t want to hear the farting card again.”
“Blake, we don’t need tomatoes. And no you cannot eat them.”
“We are not buying PaPa grapes.”
“I’m sure you do wish you could fart and burp like that.”
“Put the peppers down Blake.”
Most days, I would have found the burping and farting card as hilarious as they did and I would have found there eruptions of giggles adorable. And every Sunday when Blake and I do the family grocery shopping, I find it absolutely adorable that he wants to hold all of the produce. Truly. But yesterday, all of it was hurting my eyes and my ears and my face. Everything hurt. And I needed my own time out.
By the time dinner was over and we were on our way home I decided that I needed a mommy time out. I called the hubs, told him that I couldn’t do bedtime tonight and I dropped the boys off. It sounds horrible, I know. I mean, what is with all of my self righteous spoiled brat expectations here. DO NOT GET ME WRONG – I appreciate the (freezing) office and the adorably talkative and healthy children more than I could possibly put into words, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t listen to the list of bedtime questions, or listen to the laughter at their dad’s rendition of our nightly songs, and for the love of all that is good, I couldn’t even pretend to want to read them a story.
I ended up at Starbucks.
I ordered coffee through the drive-thru, sat in the parking lot, turned the volume on the radio down (even though it was off), rolled down the windows and started to write.
I could have gone inside, but people would probably be talking and coffee machines would probably be coffeeing and I just didn’t want to have any human interaction.
Sometimes, I have it all together. Most of the time, I give the day my best shot and I accomplish some things and have some fun. Occasionally, I just can’t.
Last night, I just needed a time out – and apparently the best way to spend it was to list all of the reasons why sometimes I just can’t.
Sometimes I can’t because…
1. Pirates still aren’t coming. It is bedtime and we don’t live on a ship. Pirates aren’t going to come.
2. I don’t want to listen to that song again. I don’t want to sing that song again. I don’t want to “watch” you sing it again.
3. Because we are running out of room for you to hold all of the produce.
4. I don’t want to tie your shoes.
5. I don’t want to set up the bowling pins.
6. I don’t want to watch Monday Night Football.
7. I don’t want to re-enact every play. I don’t want to see every play in real time. I don’t want to see it on instant replay. I don’t want to watch everything fall off of the bookshelves while you tackle each other into them.
8. There are no more purple vitamins because there are no more vitamins and I still don’t know when I will remember to buy them…no matter how much you whine.
9. I don’t want to rub your feet.
10. There are dishes in the sink.
11. The dishwasher is full.
12. Someone took the laundry out of the dryer and I think they want me to fold it.
13. You ate all of the marshmallows already.
14.Bridges aren’t crapping. (That one might take some explaining – Ben can’t say “collapse” very clearly yet, so it sounds like he is saying “crap.” And he randomly gets afraid of them “crapping” on him. But not while we are on them or under them. He gets scared of bridges crapping at like 2:30 p.m. when he is playing baseball in the house). Regardless, bridges aren’t crapping today and I can’t explain why. BECAUSE I CAN’T.
15. I ate all of the chips.
16. I threw away the pizza. Because I ate all of the chips. Because I didn’t want to eat all of the pizza and all of the chips.
17. I forgot about the book fair.
18. I can’t save all of the artwork.
19. We are out of Advil Cold & Sinus.
20. We don’t play baseball with apples.
21. Or red peppers
22. You have to wear pants.
23. 3 days is the limit for how long I’ll let you wear the same shirt.
24. It’s not your turn.
26. Most bounce houses won’t fly away.
27. The news is for grown ups.
28. I said so.
29. Yes, that is a bad word. No, you cannot say that.
30. Yellow doesn’t mean slow down when we are late for baseball. No we are not going to jail and you aren’t going to miss your game.
31. Sometimes I don’t want to purposely get stopped by trains.
32. I spelled it because I didn’t want you to know what I was saying. And you are making this complicated.
33. I don’t want to make dinner.
34. Breakfast for dinner is cool.
35. No matter how many times you ask, we will not go in the building with a Blackjack sign with cards on it. They do not have games there. And I’m not interested in telling you what is actually in there.
36. Daddy can answer your questions too.
37. Because I love you…and sometimes I just need a minute too.
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