An Ode to Suspenders

suspendersWhen first I walked the hospital floor
A young whipper-snapper always ready for more
I dressed to kill in my 3-piece suit
A really sharp dude, no way to dispute.

Suit coat, cool vest, and pants with neat creases,
I really shone in all those pieces
Tailored for me at my favorite store
Mark Shale in the city, had a great rapport.

And ties with a crest from a fancy designer
Cardin, Hermes, no one ever looked finer
What was holding it together, yeah making it sing?
It was my scarlet red suspenders, made me feel like a king.

Mine fastened with a button, no clips for me
Two in front, one in back, it’s 1-2-3
Who needs a belt when your pants are sitting
Just right on your hips for a perfect fitting.

In the UK you know they call them all braces
Not on their teeth, it’s the belts they replaces
Steve Urkel used to wear them on the Family Matters
Larry King had ’em on when he talked with lots of chatters.

For me times have changed and I’m dressing more cazh
Knit sweaters, tapered jeans, and all that jazz.
Got belts with metal buckles in black and brown,
Don’t have to look cool, not going downtown.

Just one problem that I’ve been noting
My body’s been changing, more weight I’m now toting
And while that’s going on, my tush is disappearing,
An old man’s figure is what I’m now rearing

Belts don’t do the job when your middle is missing
And once again it seems I find myself wishing
For suspenders to keep my pants tight on my hips
So I don’t give the world a total moony eclipse.


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