John Mulaney Says Middle Aged Men Don't Make Friends--OK, Boomer

Not my wife's friend's husbands.

Not my wife’s friend’s husbands.

Usually, if you want to learn some truths about yourself, you look in the mirror. But sometimes, your daily insight comes from an unexpected source. On a rare occasion, it might even come from Saturday Night Live.

John Mulaney, a 37-year-old comedian and former writer for SNL was the guest host on the show last weekend. He spent a few moments talking about himself and the fact that he was hosting on Leap Day, but then hit the meat of the monologue. And that meat was me! Here is an edited transcript along with my thoughts.

“Clap if you father is between 60 and 75”  Yeah, I am in that 60-75 demographic. I better pay attention to this guy.

“If you think your father has friends, you are wrong” Friends? I have friends.

“Your mom has friends, and they have husbands, and those are your dad’s friends.” Hmm, maybe he is on to something here. There does seem to be a pattern…

“I have some theories why none of our baby-boomer dads have friends.” So this guy thinks he is a psychologist? Or a sociologist? Still, he is a Chicago kid, so I’ll listen to what he has to say.

“Theory 1: They forgot.” I still remember every kid with whom I went to preschool. One of them even popped into my office a few years ago.I was very polite, even though he turned out to be selling something. I just don’t want to be friends with him.

“Theory #2: They want to be alone. They go into a room and read about World War II.” Nothing wrong with a little bit of being alone. But Barb will be off to Florida this weekend, we’ll see how “alone” feels then. As to World War II, meh. I don’t read much history, anyway. But give me a new John LeCarre novel, and yeah, that will be my new best friend for a week.

“Theory #3: Dad’s only want to talk about money, but that is forbidden to talk about.” Wrong, wrong, wrong. The one thing baby boomer dads want to talk about is… golf. Where they played today. Where they are playing tomorrow. Which way the wind was blowing when they hit the seven iron on the 13th. Oh yeah, they sometimes talk about their health, as in “I had a cold yesterday, so I COULDN”T PLAY GOLF!” p.s. I hate golf.

“It’s hard to make friends when you are an adult male.” It’s true that most of the men that I am friends with now (the ones who aren’t Barb’s-friend’s-husbands) are the ones I made in school. Sure, I have met lots of guys since then–through work, through tennis, through various Boards and committees. Acquaintances sure, but friends? Buddies? Pals? I am afraid not.

“Jesus’s biggest miracle? He was a 33-year-old guy who made 12 new friends.” These days he would have met them in the synagogue Men’s Club. And they really wouldn’t have been friends, just the guys he schmoozed with on a Sunday morning while kvetching about the kids and Trump…

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