Deadlier Than "The Quiet Place." You Better Not Make A Move.

Rat terrier-Pomeranian mix

Milo makes up for his lost sleep.

“Don’t move a muscle!” I think to myself at about 4:00 each morning.

By now you’ve seen or heard about the John Krasinski-Emily Blunt end of the world thriller “A Quiet Place.” Make a sound and skinny aliens with ginormous ears will have you for lunch. But at least the Krasinski family had the freedom of mobility. They could go and do what they pleased, as long as they were quiet about the whole thing. Seems to me to be a tricky, but survivable, situation!

We have a different alien creature haunting our bed overnight, with its activity peaking about 4:00 every morning. Yes, our monster also has big, insanely sensitive ears, and a good sense of smell as well. But what puts it a cut above the movie creature is its incredible motion detector. One twitch, one leg kicked out from under the blanket, or just one raised eyebrow, and the attack can begin.

It starts out with a massive tongue swiping across my forehead, down my cheek, into my neck. Then the head-butting starts, followed by nipping at the blanket, and finally shoves in the back. Who would have believed a 19-pound rat terrier-pomeranian mix could have so much power and determination?

Yes, our non-human life form is our adoptee Milo, who somehow earned the honor of worming into our bed every night. Bedtime begins with Milo on the comforter in a staring contest with Princess Phoebe the cat. Most often there is a canine over feline victory.  Milo then burrows under the covers and makes himself at home at our feet. A few restful hours of sleep usually follow. But once that 4 a.m. witching hour is upon us, waking up for a moment can mean certain attack.

Raise my head to look at the bedside clock and I am doomed to a frontal assault. Instead of looking at the clock to k now the time, I have learned to turn my wrist ever so slowly to illuminate the face of my Fitbit. If I want to stretch out to relieve a kink in my back? Forget about it, unless I want to spend my last potential hours of sleep swept away by a dog on the prowl. And any necessary trips to the bathroom better be before 4:00 a.m. — before the monster has arisen.

So if I seem a bit cranky today, if my eyelids are drooping, or if I am walking a little more slowly and hunched over than usual, just remember that it’s just one more thing that I blame on the dog.

But maybe some good can come out of it. if I write a screenplay called “The Stillness Place,”do you think I can sell the movie rights? I know a dog that would be just right for the starring role…

 

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