Forget Global Warming-We Have Global Weirding

weirdThe ice caps will melt, the oceans will rise. The storms will be violent, the droughts will be endless. Yes, I fear it is all coming. But what all the meteorologists and climate scientists and other doom-sayers have missed is all the bizarre things already taking place in the world. I don’t think it is related to the amount of carbon in the atmosphere, but in the last year or so we have seen:

  • Leicester City beat 5000-1 odds to win their first English Premier League title, 132 years after the club was founded. Since this is soccer, the truly odd part is not that Leicester won, but that any Americans even heard about it.
  • Keeping our sights on the UK, we have Brexit, in which the Brits stunned forecasters when they decided they don’t like the rest of Europe. Maybe not so odd in retrospect.
  • Much to educators surprise, Americans are learning American History–at least as much as can be learned in 2 1/2 hours of the hip-hop musical “Hamilton.” And who should steal the show but that hilarious old mad man King George III. Again, in the world of the weird, “Rule, Britannia!”
  • The Cubs World Series Championship. Who predicted that as a prelude to global warming hell would freeze over?
  • Trump Trump Trump. No one foresaw him wiping out the Republican challengers and then mopping the floor with Hillary. On the other hand, the Secretary’s downfall was envisioned in the Book of Revelations where it is written “From Ilarkyork will arise a mighty wind, only to falter in its quest for world domination on the altar of baggage and emails.”

Are other odd things in store? Gazing at the Super Moon, I made the following prognostications:

  • Angelina and Brad will bury the hatchet, and not in each others skulls. Professing undying love and devotion, they will retreat to an uncharted island in the Pacific and never be heard from again. The truly unusual part of the story will be that People Magazine will not ask Jennifer Aniston to comment on the reunion.
  • The Ricketts’ family will buy every professional sports team in Chicago galvanizing White Sox, Bulls and Blackhawk fans. The Bears will continue to lose.
  • The number one box office hit over the holidays will be a lovely romantic comedy without a superhero or spaceship. The producers will admit the CGI guys were busy the day they were supposed to add in the meteor crash.
  • The cure to breast cancer will be discovered, but under TrumpCare will only be available to angry white men. Other cancer victims will be given a “Make America Great Again” baseball cap.
  • Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Keith Richards and Mick Jagger will go on a Rolling Beatles World Tour. Their contract rider will insist on dinner for the performers at 4 pm, and the soup “shouldn’t be too hot.”
  • Canada will build a wall to keep out stampeding US citizens. Those Americans who make it through will have one serving of poutine, change their mind about Trump,  and head back for home.

It will be a mad, mad, mad mad world.

If I missed anything, or to subscribe to Downsize-Maybe, drop me a line at les.raff@post.com

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