Donald Trump Takes On Artificial Intelligence

trumpOh the games people play now…

…Every night and every day now.

Joe South–1968

A “Downsize, Maybe” interview with Mr. Donald Trump:

“So I have been hearing a lot about this artificial intelligence machine, Google’s AlphaGo. I hear Google didn’t actually develop this thing, they just bought the company. It was a British company. Now I think that Google is smart for buying something like that instead of wasting time thinking about it, but if you check you will see the company was created by people with foreign sounding names. Google has got to be careful about that. And AlphaGo got all this publicity by beating another foreigner in a game called Go. That game is Chinese or Korean or Latvian or something. We do not need to waste our resources playing games with those Japs or whatever. They are all short with small hands, and we all know what that means…and don’t worry about the size of MY hands.

And I saw that artificial intelligence movie last year, Ex Machina. I didn’t really understand it, but Ava, that roboty cyber chick was hot. I’d take her to bed any day, even if she was mostly plastic and not really a real woman. Sort of like Hillary. But since these AI things are supposed to be so good at games, I want to play that Ava broad in my favorite game, Monopoly. We can do it in a big auditorium and I will have millions of people cheering for me. Worldwide television. I would be the Top Hat because it shows how rich I am, even better than releasing my tax returns. Ava can be the dog token because, well,  all women are.  I want to be the banker, but since I am a gentleman, Ava-robot-dog can move first.

I don’t know what that braniac’s strategy will be, but I have mine all figured out. If she buys any of those low rent foreign sounding properties like Baltic, or oh my god Oriental Avenue, I will just build a wall around them. No way am I going to risk landing on those. And just watch, I will make her pay for those walls. And I am going to find a way to get rid of that Free Parking space too. No one gets anything for free, unless this country is dumb enough to somehow elect Bernie Sanders President. He’ll give you college for free, and then how would Trump University make money?

Anyway, my Top Hat is going to really speed around the board. And I don’t care if Cruz and Rubio and Kasich are in the crowd and cheer on the robot. My supporters can always beat ’em up. Especially that wimp Kasich. I’ll pay my fans’  legal fees, and not just with Monopoly money. Anyway, before you know it I’ll have Boardwalk and Park Place, with four houses, a hotel, a casino and a Trump Tower on each. After that brain freak lands on one of them she will be in the poorhouse. She’ll be singing the Trump Pledge in half an hour or less. Nobody beats the Trump in real estate. Nobody. Of course it helps when you start with a little of Daddy’s money.”

“Downsize, Maybe” fact checker: None of the above is true. But it could be!

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Filed under: Politics

Tags: AlphaGo, donald trump, Ex Machina

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