You can't make someone want to stay married to you (Try these 4 things instead)

    We all have been guilty a time or two of thinking we can control a situation, including how someone else feels about us. We think, “if only I was thinner he’d want to be with me”, or “if only I made more money, she’d find me worthy”, and sometimes we even try to... Read more »

Signs of a 'Rougher than Average' Divorce

  Will our children Survive our divorce? This question really sums it all up, doesn’t it? The idea of divorce when children are involved feels like a risk too great – like skydiving without testing the parachute. Especially when your partner is not aligned with the decision to divorce. Especially if your partner is actively... Read more »

What to do ASAP when your spouse wants a divorce

I’ve seen plenty of clients immediately after their spouse has put divorce on the table, and not one of them had an inkling of ‘what to do’ next. The news is often unexpected, and feels – well, catastrophic. When we’re in a crisis, survival-based emotional responses hijack our thinking brains. It’s fight or flight. Either... Read more »

Should I Wait or Should I Go?

Is there ever a good time to tell a spouse that you no longer want to be married? It’s human nature to put something like this off, of course. Especially if you are a people pleaser, conflict avoider, or simply use avoidance to deal with problems. But there are other reasons that people put off... Read more »

Beware the Divorce Rubberneckers!

      However it came about, when one of you wants it, you’re getting divorced. There is nothing that stirs up the ‘crazies’ (really a bad word for a mental health professional to use) more than divorce. Except for maybe murder. Just as soon as you think you’ve gotten those nasty rats – the... Read more »

Resentful Giving Backfires in Marriage

Divorce is one of those times in life that offers an opportunity to ‘stand in your truth’. When you show the world – at least your up close and personal world – what comes out of you when you are squeezed. Whatever comes out when you’re squeezed, you can be sure it was in there... Read more »

When is Divorce 'Imminent'?

When I talk to people about how to get a divorce, I find myself using the phrase when divorce is imminent. Why? Because I am not in the business of advocating for divorce. I am in the business of helping people manage the emotional and psychological aspects of the fact that divorce happens. It is... Read more »

Hope Dies Hard

In thinking about the etiology of divorce, where and when it originates in a couple, I am convinced that it is about a shift in hope. Hope is what keeps people hanging on when there is a lack of certainty. Uncertainty is what life dishes out! Hope is especially salient when it comes to a... Read more »

You are Not Your Divorce

  There are times when it feels like you are nothing more than your divorce. It’s an understandable perception – it’s always on your mind, even in the deepest recesses that you’re not aware of.  And, there is the fact that the tentacles of divorce manage to touch every area of your life.  Your physical... Read more »

Divorce is not a 4-letter word

Oxford Dictionary definition of Divorce: the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body: “her divorce from her first husband”. As I compose this blog, I am struck by a nearby photo of the innocent faces of my children at ages 3, 5, and 7. This picture was taken when we... Read more »