UPDATE: Wow. This might not be parody after all. Read Eric Zorn’s, “South Carolina Republicans’ plan: Help Trump by voting for Sanders in Dem primary. Will it work, or backfire?” Still, Eric doesn’t go into how some Sanders supporters are trying to downplay his socialism. True.
President Donald Trump’s fondest wish is to face Sen. Bernie Sanders in the general election. Trump believes that Bernie will be the easiest Democrat to beat, in the Democratic field of dreamers, radicals, kids and buffoons. Truly, a laydown.
Trump, despite his egomaniacal posturing, knows in his heart of hearts that facing someone closer to the center will siphon off the moderates, centrists, suburban women and scared-out-of-their-pants Republicans worried about what an unleashed Trump would do in his second term.
So, this is a conspiracy theory that’s true and can be ignored only at grave risk.
To make sure that he faces Loony Bernie, Trump is working covertly to secure his nomination in July at the Democratic National Convention in Milwaukee.
Chief among Trump’s clandestine activities is engaging Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin and his merry band of Russian of nerds to throw the primary elections to Bernie. That won’t be hard to do. Who’da think leaked that video of Michael Carpetbagger Bloomberg’s 2015 speech in which he defended aggressive police tactics, like stop and frisk, in minority neighborhoods?
Trump couldn’t help himself and went public, tweeting:
Mini Mike is a 5’4” mass of dead energy who does not want to be on the debate stage with these professional politicians. No boxes please. He hates Crazy Bernie and will, with enough money, possibly stop him.
That riled Bloomberg to respond in kind with his own tweeted insult:
We know many of the same people in NY. Behind your back they laugh at you & call you a carnival barking clown. They know you inherited a fortune & squandered it with stupid deals and incompetence.
In effect, Trump has revealed the real Bloomberg, who is as mouthy and goofy as the president himself. I mean, who in his right mind would vote for some as crazy as Trump. So long, Mikey. Brilliant move, Mr. President.
Here’s another one of the Trump/Russian collusions: Making Bernie seem less radical than he truly is. They’ve been surreptitiously spreading the world that Bernie isn’t really a “socialist.” If he is a socialist, it’s only as English humanist Sir Thomas More understood it. Or something like Plato’s idealized society or the early Christian communities.
Bernie’s naive supporters have gobbled it up, arguing that Bernie’s “socialism” isn’t really Marxian. It’s more like Franklin Roosevelt’s progressive social and domestic programs such as social security. Splendid move, Mr. President.
You even got an avowed socialist to proclaim that he knows socialism and Bernie’s no socialist. You the man, Mr. President.
Even the Associated Press fell for it. Reporting the results of the New Hampshire primary, the news service called Sanders a “progressive,” neglecting to label him a socialist anywhere in the story. Never mind that Sanders calls himself a “democratic socialist.” (But fails miserably to specifically define the term.)
So, Trump’s grand plan is to make the many Americans who aren’t in favor of socialism is to persuade voters and the media that he isn’t truly a socialist, that he’s just another “progressive,” and why should we fear his presidency?
Here’s the kicker: Sanders’ supporters call social security, Medicare and other War on Poverty and New Deal programs to be oh-so-good examples of socialism–and how can anyone be against them?–while saying that free college education for all, Medicare for all, forgiveness for all college loans and all kinds of central government and economic schemes to be, well, just progressive.
I also suspect, Mr. President that you somehow managed to get rid of the term “liberal” as common usage and substitute “progressive.” Don’t know how you did it, but….
With Democrats running on a platform that requires investigations of this, that and everything else, they may demand a special counsel to investigate Trump’s collusion to install Bernie as his marshmellow-soft opponent in the 2020 election. So, be careful, Mr. President.
And who knows, maybe your collusion will backfire, and Bernie will beat you.
Disclosure: This column was planted by Pete Buttigieg.
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