Top 3 Tips on Surving Neighborhood Crime and your Neighboorhood Watch Page on Facebook

Car Burglars

Well folks, I hate to break it to you but crime is everywhere. After doing some perusing in my Neighborhood’s Watch page on Facebook, I noticed a common occurrence. There has been an abundance of stolen items from cars in our neighborhood (or somewhat close by), which mean that me and the neighborhood watch group are packing our shit up and moving the next town over barring their statistics in car burglaries. No, in all seriousness, I’m not leaving. I think people forget to realize that there is crime all over. Yes, in every neighborhood. I want you to think of a city or township and blurt it out loud and we can play a game and decide whether there’s been crime or no crime. Here I’ll start…Naperville…CRIME! Oak Park…CRIME! Chicago…CRIME! Tinley Park…CRIME! The point I am trying to make is crime is everywhere and just because something pops up on the Neighborhood Watch Facebook page, doesn’t mean we have to overreact. I thought I would share my three ways on how we can live in a neighborhood with crime and still survive. I based my insight on the comments section of the page posts and dissected their horrible thoughts on how to fight off crime and made some of my own. Grant it, these are my own opinions and you really shouldn’t take advice from someone who is not in law enforcement. So full disclosure advised.

#1 Screw You Steven

We don’t need good ‘ole Steven to tell us to lock our car doors at night. What is he the neighborhood sheriff? I can’t tell you how much I hate the memes that show “It’s 9PM, are your doors locked?” Frankly, it’s none of your goddam business. Secondly, if a criminal sees something in your car that they want, they will find a way to get it. Whether it’s smashing your window or being a ninja and going through the trunk. I do understand that if your car doors are locked they might pass you up because it’s not easy access. However, we don’t need someone like Steven to remind us? We are grown adults and can figure out that locking your car door means the bad guys will less likely take our shit. Also, I love it when Steven asks the person who just got their car broken into if they locked their doors? Well, Steven, screw you. I am missing a car radio, my iPad, and loose change so I don’t have time to start a conversation on the importance of locking our car doors. Also, Steven while we are at it, I am not joining your neighborhood watch. You want to know why? Because I don’t want to get robbed and rather my car be the one that gets vandalized.

#2 Let’s Shoot the Bad Guys

Are you out of your fucking minds? This is not the Wild West. Do not stop crime with other crime. I repeat, do not use crime to stop other crime. Is it really worth shooting someone who just took 37 cents from your glove compartment? Unless, you are a fucking trained assassin how are you going to ward off criminals with your gun? Remember, its dark outside and you are not going to be as “good” as when you are at target practice in the daylight. Also MacGyver, what makes you think they’re not armed? Once again, this is not the Wild West and you both are not going to take five steps backwards and then draw. IT WILL NOT END WELL!

#3 Hello 911, Someone Just Turned Around in my Driveway

Oh dear lord, this one really make my tummy tickle. Soccer mom Sue is driving around the neighborhood. She can’t find her daughter’s practice. She knows she made a wrong turn and now has to retrace her steps. She pulls in a driveway to back out, and little did she know it was Steven’s driveway! All of sudden, he is like I have to get on the Neighborhood Watch page quick, because there was a mysterious white minivan in my driveway. She might be a criminal! Do not overreact if you see a mysterious vehicle. Now, if you see this same car over and over and he is shining a flashlight in your windows then by all means please call the damn police. Let’s not make it a big deal if it’s a car that you haven’t noticed before. We do have a lot of people in this state, do you know every make and model of cars when it comes to good versus evil people?

In closing, all I am saying is that we need to use our due diligence when we are thwarting off potential crime. Unfortunately, there is crime everywhere and that doesn’t mean we should pack up our shit and leave town when something happens. Because even if you were to do that, there probably is the same criminal occurrences happening there as well. Instead, let’s just keep a vigil eye on our surroundings, don’t overreact, and most importantly involve the people that are trained to help.

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