I never thought I’d have kids. Seriously there was a time when I was given time to think about it and I decided against it. Of course at the time I was also dealing with the possibility of living with cancer. The doctor asked me if I wanted to save my seed. There is no way I wanted my mom to know what I was doing so they could procure my seed so I declined.
Yep that is the kind of decisions a 21 year old makes haphazardly.
At the time I was partying too much to think about kids, wanting kids, or wanting to save my beer money for a child’s college fund. Life was a party. I was a party rock star I was okay sans kids. Then all of my partying friends started having kids. Suddenly the parties were few and far between and life seemed to pause.
Instead of keggers I was being invited to kid parties. It was the first time my decision became technicolor.
Fast forward to now. I’ll give a Cliff’s Notes version. Cancer again, marriage(she had a daughter, she still does but she did then too), we got divorced, and I haven’t seen the little one since. I should be clear she had the child before I was around. I’m not a deadbeat father.
Now that we are all caught up I’m engaged again to the right woman. The one it was supposed to be all along. She has three kids two teens and one almost teen. It has been a strange transition because I was a teen like two months ago at least it seems that way.
I am going to write in different persons, sometimes addressing them directly sometimes just announcing my pride. The dirty grammar will hurt their eyes and maybe yours. Sorry for that.
There’s Cassandra so much brilliance so untapped. Our conversations no matter how silly or serious are among some of the best I’ve ever had. One day she will unleash her intelligence on the world and suddenly everything that is wrong with the world will be right again. The love and care you show to those around you is admirable.
You can do whatever you want and at 17 only a select few have been allowed to see who you really are. The cloak that protects you hides a young and strong woman always stay honest always be you. The rest of us will catch up.
Phillip, the man of action. You will either make fun of me for writing this post today or when ever you read it. I can imagine 14 year old me making fun of myself for writing it. You are intelligent as well. Sometimes you are a quiet cool sometimes you are the eye of the storm. You seemed like you’d be the hardest egg to crack I’m not often wrong but I’m glad I was in this case.
My favorite moment so far was when he pat me on the back to wish me luck asking his mom to marry me. Then the following day when he asked how it went and he hugged me when I told him she said yes. You are so anxious to be a man. Slow down and be a teen, buddy, you’re still much more mature than a lot of men out there. ATM!(inside joke).
Finally but not at all least there’s Brooks. The ball of energy that is always on. Just like your siblings you are also brilliant. I’m not just saying that they are smarter than I was at their age. You’re an athlete, my favorite athlete, I love playing catch with you even though I remember how awful I am at sports. Which is why I’m a comedian. Good thing you do not mind shagging balls that I throw awfully to far away from you.
If I could bottle up his energy and sell it I would keep it for myself and get more stuff done. Okay I might sell a little of it for millions so I can could cure MS. His excitement for every minute is an inspiration. Adults can forget what it is like to attack the everyday. Don’t ever forget that, mister.
I can remember being in my teens and 36 seemed like an ancient age. Now I know I was wrong. I try not to think of life as capped anymore. I’m not old in the life span of the universe we are all young. There’s a lot I have to look forward to and that is most important to me now.
I am not afraid to admit that I’m a novice. I still don’t know what I’m doing or if I am doing this whole step parenting thing right. I’m just trying to be the best bonus parent I can be. Being in charge of teenage lives is hard. I didn’t get to watch you grow up but I do get to watch you grow old. It scares me everyday because I feel like I did not watch enough PBS or parenting videos.
It is an exciting kind of scared. There will be broken hearts to mend. There will be the opportunities that slipped away. There will be uncertain days and nights. I may not always be the first person you will consult but I’m honored to be on the list.
There will be boys at some point. There will be the first meeting. I’m not a tough guy. I look like a wimp. There won’t be any real threats to those who audition for Cassie’s love. Just know I’m protective of her and as a comedian if you mess up you are eligible to be joke fodder.
I was a shy and nerdy kid. I was a boy stuck in the friend zone. The best girl advice I can offer is to respect them always. Treat them like you’d want your mom and sister treated. Be good to them and one day you’ll find the one.
There will be jobs you will love some of the days you work and you will hate some of them too. My only hope is that you all find a career where your worst day at the job you love is still better than your best day at a job you don’t.
I’m not supposed to be a doormat but I am for you guys. I want my relationship with all of you to be the same. You’ll most likely get whatever you want from me. I will always be on your side. You guys already know that. I already do my best to not get to mushy with your mom while you guys are around. I know “old” people snuggling is gross. I just realized I missed my chance to be cool. I went from awkward and nerdy to older and gross.
I’m so happy you guys have weaved into my life. You are my family. I’m going to be one more person protecting you. I’ll never stop. The best gift is seeing your smiling faces and hearing the sound of your laughter. Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives. I look forward to helping you cope through every failure and celebrating every victory with you.
I love you guys but sometimes teenagers scare the living shit out of me.
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