Category: What-have-yous

Are you there, God? It's me. Manure.

At 6:30 p.m. today I heard the chop-chop-chop of a drone outside our house. The bedroom window shattered, an object came flying and landed defiantly on the carpet. A rock. I heard a disembodied voice yell from the drone, “ChicagoNow sent me, Ma’am. Take it up with them!” Another chop-chop-chop and it was gone. Well,... Read more »

Saturday Night Live: bring back Katie Rich. We're all poorer if you don't.

  All the way through elementary school I attended the Chaos B. Mayhem Progressive School in the Washington, D.C. suburbs. That wasn’t its actual name, but it was the ‘70s and it may as well have been. Our math teacher was growing pot in the class terrarium and four grades were thrown together in one... Read more »

For life lessons, look to the comedians

The teletype started tapping this morning and an assignment emerged: what is your favorite thing you’ve ever written? My favorite thing I’ve ever written is every interview I’ve done with every comedian I’ve ever spoken to (plus some other folks who aren’t comedians, but for this day and since ChicagoNow says NOW, I’ll just mention... Read more »

Why I have Roseanne's pumpkin seeds

An assignment came across the wires from ChicagoNow this morning. “Write about an inanimate object you have a strong attachment to.” Ha! I don’t really form attachments to inanimate objects … well, maybe there is one. Roseanne’s pumpkin seeds and wristband. I’ve had them since 1993. But first I had to find them. They were... Read more »

Happy birthday, Mitch Hedberg!

Last night at midnight I amazed my husband by singing a McDonald’s commercial I hadn’t heard since the ‘70s. Then I regaled him with a couple of Burger King riffs from the same era. “Have it your way!,” I told him. I also sang the entire Ourisman’s Chevrolet song which meant nothing to him because... Read more »