Tag: parenting

That Time My Son Shat His Bed Just To Be A Dick

You’re an idiot if you count on your children to stay potty-trained without any setbacks. Take it from me…an idiot. I’m a very black and white thinker, so I expect that following each milestone my kids will stay atop the mountain and never look back. For example, after my kids took their first steps then... Read more »

You Attend Your Son's Class Performance Because You Have To

Parenting is chock full of feelings of ambivalence: I am a decent father/I am causing irreparable damage to my children by the minute I enjoy the company of my children/The human trafficking business sounds pretty legit! These kids are alright/Remind me why I did this again? It’s okay to have mixed feelings about parenting and... Read more »

Fantasy Football Team Names My Son Suggested

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, I’m not talking about Christmas or when I invite the neighbors over to line up and motorboat my man-tits. Rather, I’m referring to fantasy football season, something with which I share a love/hate relationship, as I’ve previously outlined here and here. It’s like my relationship with... Read more »
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    Chocolate Diapers

    I am a vitamin D-deficient former Floridian--who, despite the spring...er...extended winter--loves Chicago. I contradicted convention (and common sense) by moving FROM the beach to the Midwest, but Lou Malnati's and any Italian beef sandwich reinforce that I made the right decision. I also got a wife and two sons out of it, and I would do anything for my family, except miss a Miami Hurricanes football game. This is my take on fatherhood. You can contact me at david.telisman@gmail.com. Thank you for reading!

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