Category: Tradition

Eight Reasons Why Hanukkah Annoys Me

Hanukkah is the Festival of Lights and Feast of Dedication. As a father who is responsible for human lives, it is also a reminder that I am getting older and more and more invisible by the second. During my lifetime, I have watched Hanukkah evolve from a cherished holiday to a cumbersome and burdensome week-plus... Read more »

Fantasy Football Team Names My Son Suggested

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, I’m not talking about Christmas or when I invite the neighbors over to line up and motorboat my man-tits. Rather, I’m referring to fantasy football season, something with which I share a love/hate relationship, as I’ve previously outlined here and here. It’s like my relationship with... Read more »

For Father's Day I Want Cool Presents

I’m pushing 40, and I still love getting presents, especially ones that come wrapped in boxes. Presents are mysterious and awesome. I possess the same child-like excitement (and penis size) today when I open a present as I did when I was a youngster. I’m also happy to accept presents in the form of cash,... Read more »

Letter to a New Mom: Don't Have a Bris

Picture the scene: A crowded and confined space with breathing air sparse and absorbed by the body heat. You and your 8-day-old son are separated. Someone–not you or the boy’s father–carries your baby into this ceremonial area where he is delivered to a long-bearded stranger with shiny medical devices and a prayer book. The stranger... Read more »
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    Chocolate Diapers

    I am a vitamin D-deficient former Floridian--who, despite the winter--loves Chicago. I contradicted convention (and common sense) by moving FROM the beach to the Midwest, but Lou Malnati's and any Italian beef sandwich reinforce that I made the right decision. I also got a wife and two sons out of it, and I would do anything for my family, except miss a Miami Hurricanes football game. This is my take on fatherhood. You can contact me at Thank you for reading!

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