Parenting in the Age of Mass Shootings

Taking our boys to Sunday school felt different this morning. It started the same as before with boys and girls, parents, and staff settling into the social hall. But the energy, along with turnout was low, side conversations tempered, and a cloud of unease and somberness hung above. The rabbi started a song about the... Read more »

Don’t Understand Suicide? Then Learn

Last weekend, I was out to dinner with my boy, and two parents with their college-aged son sat at the table next to us. Anthony Bourdain committed suicide two days earlier, and the father shared his thoughts. “I don’t understand how someone could kill themselves,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s gotta be the most... Read more »

My Son Learned About the Parkland Shooting From WWE RAW

My son eats, sleeps, and drinks everything WWE. He can name all current and past champions. He knows each wrestler’s theme song, their finishing, and submission moves. If you want to hear the story behind each of Roman Reigns’ tattoos, he’ll tell you. If you don’t want to hear the story behind each of Roman... Read more »

NPR Wrote a Bad Harvey Weinstein Story

Harvey Weinstein is a sexual predator, assailant, and rapist who jerks off on plants. Those are the allegations, but it’s hard giving the benefit of the doubt to a man who’s been accused of sex crimes by three dozen women and counting. Plus, there’s that Goddamn tape of him trying to coerce a model into... Read more »

We Cannot Pray Away The Las Vegas Shooting

“Thoughts and Prayers” has become the laziest, emptiest, most vile and un-actionable response to mass shootings.  We’ve been hearing it for too long since Columbine, an event so shocking and horrible in its singularity, we figured that shooting was an outlier with the frequency of the Hale-Bopp comet. We were obviously wrong because since then... Read more »

Jerry Lewis Was Actually A Dick

Jerry Lewis, icon, comedian, philanthropist, Nutty Professor, and Crying Clown died today. He was 91. He was also a dick. His body is barely cold, yes, but he was a frosty individual for much of his life. First let’s acknowledge the good: The “Jerry’s Kids” telethons raised $2 billion for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, and Lewis entertained... Read more »

Chris Cornell Performed Badmotorfinger For Me When I Was Too Young to Appreciate Grunge

My Dad surprised me with tickets to see Guns N’ Roses on New Year’s Eve 1991 at Joe Robbie Stadium, home of the Miami Dolphins. GNR was touring in support of their smash double album Use Your Illusion 1 & 2. They were rock gods approaching the apex of their career. Dad scored us great... Read more »

How I Discuss Trump With My Kids Without Terrifying Them

The silver lining of the Trump presidency living nightmare, besides watching his signature policies fail miserably, is that I’ve become a masterful bullshitter to my kids. My 24/7 horror, indignation, and contempt that mirrors the 24/7 Trump news cycle is topped by my ability to sugarcoat these feelings in the company of my 9-year-old son.... Read more »

My Monologue While Showering My Son

Privacy, like a third nipple, is an aberration in my house. My kids only allow it by accident. If I’m granted five good minutes to remove my ear hair, it’s because my older son is lost in a Minecraft day dream or my 4-year-old has paused to pee on the carpet in his room. It’s... Read more »

5 Ways My Kids Are Always Interrupting

There is nothing more important than my children. Just ask them. No need actually, because they’ll interrupt you before you can finish your question. Whatever idea, thought, question, declaration or bodily function they formulate is critical and must be expressed now. Percolating, marinating, chewing over be damned! Like Donald Trump’s tweets, they exercise no impulse-control.... Read more »
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    Chocolate Diapers

    I am a vitamin D-deficient former Floridian--who, despite the winter--loves Chicago. I contradicted convention (and common sense) by moving FROM the beach to the Midwest, but Lou Malnati's and any Italian beef sandwich reinforce that I made the right decision. I also got a wife and two sons out of it, and I would do anything for my family, except miss a Miami Hurricanes football game. This is my take on fatherhood. You can contact me at Thank you for reading!

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