For the last couple years I’ve had something completely amazing in my Life, something I’ve never had before. Biological family; Biological family; Brothers, sisters, Mothers, cousins and more. People I could look at and know that they’re of my blood. I did not foresee the troubled waters frothing just ahead, out of sight and out of mind. People I could look at and know that they’re of my blood. I did not foresee the trouble waters frothing just ahead, out of sight and out of mind.
After waiting, wondering, questioning, pondering, you finally have your
biological family there, its too overwhelmingly amazing to describe. You
see characteristics and traits that you thought were original only to
you. Its a Wonder to behold. You’re so overwhelmed in the raw emotions of everything that you fail to see the obvious cracks in the structure.
I should have seen trouble brewing when I showed up to my, biological, Uncles house to visit and no one knew why I was there. My biological, little, Brother hadn’t mentioned it to anyone that I was coming over. My biological, little, Brother hadn’t mentioned it to anyone that I was coming over. Yet it didn’t dissuade me from saying my greetings and being as pleasant as I could be. Nor did I get suspicious when my biological Sister and Mother never tried to call me, email me, text me, nothing. I just was happy in ignorant bliss. The woman who gave birth to me was in my Life, why would I want to see anything but sunny skies?! Even after all, biological, family gave me a different story about how come her and I hadn’t talked yet to know why no one seems to know anything about her, my biological Moms, Life. No one could give me any clues or insight as anything useful. It was okay with me, to a point.
Frustrated but not fully ready to give up, I sit here and still wonder if there is another, strategic, move I can make. Is there even a next move I can make? Am I being irrational? Do I need biological family? I know genetics don’t define who you are and what you can become. We all are individual souls, inhabiting individual flesh and bone bodies. Then why do I feel so confused and stressed out?!
I would really like to believe that there’s a positive purpose behind all the non-sense, drama, stress, madness, chaos and whatever else has and may still transpire.
Maybe the answer to the question I seek is simple indeed. Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment.
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