MLB Umpiring Crew Emerges from Replay Booth; Conclude Six Men Shot JFK

MLB Umpiring Crew Emerges from Replay Booth; Conclude Six Men Shot JFK
"Don't get an attitude with me, son. I know six shooters when I see them...or hear them."

CLEVELAND – Just one day after a horrific mishap at the end of an Oakland Athletics-Cleveland Indians game, Major League Baseball umpires have gone one step further!

Late Thursday, Nick Swisher hit a deep drive off of Athletics pitcher Evan Scribner.  The ball hit the top of the wall, bounced up, and came straight down onto the field of play.  Cleveland manager Terry Francona asked for a review.

Just one night earlier, umpires blew a home run call that would’ve tied the game between the A’s and Indians.  Adam Rosales appeared to hit a game-tying home run in the 9th off of Indians closer Chris Perez.  However, after review, umpires stated (despite evidence) that the ball did not leave the park.

This night, the umpires wouldn’t just make a bad call on the potential home run…they’d spend the time deciding something else.

“I think they were gone for about five minutes,” said Indians manager Terry Francona.  “Crew chief Angel Hernandez comes back and says, ‘I’m not sure about the home run…but I’m about 99% positive six men shot JFK.’ We were in shock.”

“The evidence is there!” said much maligned crew chief Angel Hernandez.  “We got back there, and the guy in the review booth had the History Channel on.  The MLB feed wasn’t coming in.  So, we sat there and watched this awesome special ‘Who Was the Second Gunman?’  Paul, Doug, and John just sat around me looking at the different angles.  We went over the sounds of the shots.  I hear six shots, they hear six shots.  They said only two hit him?  Whatever.  It’s clear there are six shots.  Six very quick shots.  And it has to come from six gunmen.  What gun can shoot six times in one second?  This is 1963, they don’t have the technology.  We all came to a quick agreement, came back to the game and told Melvin and Francona.  They wanted us to do this ‘resolve the home run’ BS.  Listen, it’s simple: something else was on TV, it was obviously NOT  a home run, and we just solved the biggest case in US history…and we get a ‘WTF?!’ from both managers.  What jerks.”

Major League Baseball is investigating both rulings.


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