Contracts throughout the National Basketball Association are out of control once again.
While potential signings of Omer Asik and Jeremy Lin continue to boggle most NBA scribes…figures even more absurd abound. The biggest heist may involve a Sudanese power forward that nobody has seen.
“We’re imagining a 6’11” power forward with great upside. He sounds lanky…but is very long. Meaning he has long arms. And he’s got potential…which is pretty much the word we use for any player that we don’t know of who comes from Africa,” said Bobcats general manager Richard Cho. “The asking price is high, but we’ve spent more on players worth considerably less…it’s worth a shot.”
Odwule Onomowatu of Sierra Leone sent an e-mail to various NBA teams demanding that $50.000.000 USD be deposited into his bank immediately. Officials concluded immediately that this was a 6’11″power forward in obvious need of funds.
“His e-mail was convincing…and sad,” stated Milwaukee Bucks GM John Hammond. “We’re talking about death in the family, fleeing warlords…it’s tough to even read.”
The e-mail passage began, ‘I Need Your Candid Assistance. Dear Sir/Madam. I am sorry if this message comes to you as a surprise, due to my condition here and ill health, I am obliged to seek your assistance for the investment of the fund deposited by my late wife. I am in need of medical assistance, and we hear that many of you in Basketball Associn can help giving large amounts of money to peopl who no deserve. We deserve, as you will read shortly.’
NBA officials immediately sent out assistance to the potential signee. However, one team seems to be the goal for Onomowatu.
‘I have large settlement amount that I need help depositing in World Bank. Please send credit card information, address, and SSN so that I may deposit funds into your checking account. However, please know that I need deposit from you before I can deposit to you! Therefore, please make sure account has $50.000.000 USD inside before I can make deposit. This might sense not make. Understud. If this makes you uncomfortable, please contact New York Knick gm. We think name is Glen Grunwald. We are sure he will be willing to complete transaction.’
It wasn’t until the end of the e-mail that scouts discovered the amazing potential for the young man from Sierra Leone.
‘If you are having tough time considering, please note that I am 210 cm tall. This is 6 feet 11 inches in US hite. Imagine great Hakeem Olajuwon, mixed with great Dikembe Mutombo, and you have me. I am only 23 and as Hubie Brown say, ‘have great upside’.’
The message was loud and clear for Knicks GM Glen Grunwald.
“You could say he got my attention from his harrowing position…or his particular calling out of my name…but I think the description of him is remarkable,” said Grunwald. “We’re interested in making a champion here in New York City. When you have the cash like we do, you do whatever it takes to win…and if that means dishing out millions of dollars to a man I’ve never seen play, then it’s worth it.”
Onomowatu has already received offers from five other teams not listed according to reports. More information to come.