That Heavenly News by T.L. Sherwood

That Heavenly News by T.L. Sherwood
(Image credit: T.L. Sherwood)

 

THAT HEAVENLY NEWS

by T. L. Sherwood

 

We interrupt this program to bring you an exclusive Channel Zero story. A crash occurred just moments ago. Seraph Jones is on the scene…

~*~

I saw this comedy sketch once where the doctor kept mispronouncing words. He would say “may-ling-aye” for malignant and “be-nay” for benign. The skit went on, but he never once said “terrified.” Don’t get me wrong. The skit was funny, but this is real life.

~*~

Well Cherub Haas, we’ve been able to confirm that two guardian angels crashed into each other after dancing on the head of a pin. One witness described the collision as horrific. She said she had never seen anything like it. Both angels are being transported to Our True Savior for x-rays and treatment for their ethereal wounds. We’ll keep you updated as details emerge.

 

Thank you, Seraph. We now return you to our regularly scheduled program.

~*~

My breasts aren’t that big. They were pinched down into nothingness between two glass plates. The bottled brunette stood behind a barrier to protect herself from errant rays. I knew nothing good had developed by the wan smile she gave me before she left the room with the film she had just processed. I waited with tacky tape on my nipples for her return.

~*~

High winds in the jet stream! The Saints reach overtime with the New Jersey Devils and an update on the Pinhead collision, all here at News Channel Zero. Live at Five! 

~*~

Another technician, another test. I’ve always had a vague unease around needles. After one was plunged into my tissue for a biopsy, I developed an absolute hatred for those sharp hollow tubes of pain. Now I sit in an office with no windows. I wish. I hope. I cross my legs. I uncross them. I pray harder than I ever have in my life.

~*~

And on a final note, the two angels who crashed earlier today have been released from the hospital.  They’re reportedly on their way – slowly this time – down to the humans they are assigned to protect. We here at News Channel Zero wish them a safe journey.

~*~

I nearly pass out when I’m finally told it isn’t the C-word. I think I even peed a little, in relief. I don’t care. I’m so grateful.

 

Author Bio: T. L. Sherwood is a fiction editor at r.kv.r.y. Quarterly Literary Journal. Among other places, her work has appeared in Rosebud, The Chrysalis Reader, The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, Literary Orphans, and Thema. Her blog, Creekside Reflections, can be found at: http://tlsherwood.wordpress.com/

Filed under: Prose/Poetry, Submissions

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