Category: Satire

Is Festivus really for the rest of us?

In a 1997 episode of Seinfeld, the world is introduced to an off beat celebration known only to the Costanzas-George’s family.  Lauded as an alternative to Christmas, the holiday is celebrated on the 23rd of December and decreed, “Festivus for the rest of us.” The holiday is symbolized by what looks like a closet pole... Read more »

Do you know your vehicle's VIN number by heart?

Don’t be scared, this isn’t a test.  Nobody should be required to know their vehicle’s VIN number by heart.  Everyone should, however know just how redundant it is to talk about your vehicle’s VIN number. On those rare occasions that I’m asked for my drivers license number, I’ve often been met with looks of surprise... Read more »

Just throw the fucking ball, will ya?

I don’t have a lot going for me.  When you’re at work, I have to find ways to amuse myself that won’t get me into too much trouble when you get home.  I have no thumbs, so I can’t play video games. Who am I kidding?  I can’t even turn on the TV. I’d lick... Read more »

The terrible, horrible, no good, very bad neighbor

Neighbors come and go.  Some remain strangers, some become close friends.  The ones who remain strangers are probably the best. Then, there’s that one special neighbor.  You wake up in the morning and look out your window, hoping against hope that his house got swallowed up by a sink hole.  Or picked up by a... Read more »

Texas Ebola patients to be treated at governor's mansion

In an unprecedented move, Texas Governor Rick Perry has informed health care officials that all new cases of Ebola will be moved to Austin and quarantined at the governor’s mansion. Apparently, a secret infectious disease ward was built in the basement of the mansion during the rehab that followed an attempt to burn it down... Read more »

"That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet"

The quote in the title is, of course from Act II, Scene II of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.  The words, spoken by Juliet were an attempt to get Romeo to shed his family name, Montague so that the two young lovers could enjoy a happy ever-after. As a modern-day Shakespeare might put it, that was... Read more »

Tipping is not a city in China

There is a Taiping, China, famous for some sort of rebellion in the mid-1800’s, but there isn’t a city named Tipping.  As a matter of fact, until the recent influx of Western (not to be confused with Best Western) hotels in China, tipping was largely unknown. Like blue jeans and hula hoops, tipping is another... Read more »

To everyone with whom I've had a disagreement. In other words, To everyone

To ask me to write a letter to someone with whom I’ve had a disagreement is like asking me to pick my favorite grain of sand on Oak Street Beach.  The choices are endless. At the ripe old age of sixty-something, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a cantankerous old coot. That... Read more »

Breaking the rules is a matter of perception

When I see a stop sign, I take it under advisement.  My New York friend, Sharon calls me a rule-breaker and insists that she never even drives over the speed limit. When pressed, she will admit that she drives 7 miles per hour over the speed limit because, “it’s allowable”.  Apparently, it’s all a matter... Read more »

I miss the brother I never had

Is it possible to miss something you never had?  I think it is, although my psychologist would probably tell me that it’s just another form of regret, something I need to get over. But I wonder. From the time I can remember, I daydreamed about a brother sharing my life.  Sometimes it was a twin... Read more »