So, Oath Keepers, what up?

So, Oath Keepers, what up?

Did you ever wonder exactly what oath the keepers are keeping? Me, too. Luckily, I had the chance to ask one in person.

This particular keeper was a gangly kid of 28 sitting at a bar in a small, mountain town in western Colorado. What caught my eye was the Oath Keepers emblem on the back of his tee shirt, something he seemed proud to announce.

I sidled up to Willie, said Howdy and asked the bartender to bring me one of whatever Willie was drinking. It turned out to be one of my favorites, Dale’s Pale Ale by Oskar Blues. That was promising.

Willie claimed to be from Rifle, Colorado, coincidentally the home of Lauren Boebert’s restaurant, Shooters.

None of these facts have been verified.

Willie did not seem to be packing, which was good. Being an Illinoisan, I am not allowed to carry my bazooka in Colorado.

Willie turned out to be a pretty friendly guy, if you want to talk about nothing at all. He was angry and divorced, not an unusual combo. He had no kids, but one day, The bitch took all my shit and left.

I didn’t ask what shit the bitch took.

Now that we were drinking buddies, I told Willie that I was looking for something, but I wasn’t sure what. I asked him about his affiliation with the Oath Keepers and he suddenly became suspicious. He asked how I knew he was an Oath Keeper.

I’m not sure where Willie falls on the Oath Keeper bell curve, but he seemed surprised when I told him that his affiliation was emblazoned across his back.

Most of what Willie said over the next ten minutes was about what they don’t do, which is not following orders that aren’t constitutional.

It wasn’t clear who would be giving Willie orders, constitutional or otherwise.

I’ve read that Oath Keepers focuses on recruiting military veterans and law enforcement, some retired, some current. All of those people took an oath of office of one sort or another and they plan to uphold that oath come Hell or high water.

Typically, those oaths have to do with defending the Constitution against all enemies, both foreign and domestic.

If you find it ironic that the greatest threat to the Constitution and the only U.S. president you’ve ever heard of working for a foreign, hostile nation is the very guy these keepers support, you’re not alone.

Sadly, there is no such thing as irony in MAGA world. There is no looking in the mirror.

Our boy, Willie was neither law enforcement nor military and wasn’t exactly sure about the oath. He thought it had something to do with the Pledge of Allegiance.

Willie didn’t seem to have gathered any information on his own, but was reading from the kind of cheat sheet I used to create for tests in high school.

I asked Willie if he understood that if their intentions were to defend the Constitution, his buddies should have been out there defending Mike Pence instead of trying to hang him. Pence was, after all one of the few people in Washington that day actually obeying the Constitution.

As I do with many Trumpanzees I encounter, especially the ones all juiced up on 2A and gunpowder, I asked Willie if he knew the first four words of the Second Amendment. Sarah Palin might call that a gotcha question, but it seems pretty relevant for a bunch of gunslingers talking about their 2A rights.

Sadly, Willie did not know the first four words of the Second Amendment are, A well regulated militia.

Let’s be clear. These yahoos can call themselves militias, but they are not. They’re armed thugs using violence and intimidation to advance their agenda. They may regulate themselves, but to call them well regulated is like calling my dog a mathematician.

Donnie Chump’s hand picked Attorney General and his Department of Homeland Security assured Donnie and the American people that the 2020 election was free, fair and the most secure in U.S. history.

Only that little voice in the back of Donnie’s head and his pillow buddy think the election was somehow, against all probability and evidence stolen from the guy who is arguably the worst president in history and undoubtedly the worst liar ever.

Also the guy blatantly in bed with America’s enemies and the guy who routinely puts his own personal interests ahead of the country’s, but that seems of little significance in MAGA world.

All of the cyber intelligence at the disposal of the American president could not uncover one single shred of evidence of voter fraud, but somehow, inexplicably, someone gave such evidence to Donnie’s pillow guy.

Evidence that for reasons beyond understanding, he has not been able to share anytime over the last 14 or 15 months.

Based on all available evidence and every bit of reason one could muster, the certification of the 2020 election taking place at the Capitol on January 6, 2020 was the very fulfillment of constitutional order.

I may be naïve, but that would seem like something that the Oath Keepers would want to defend, not attack.

It’s been almost 45 years since 900 Americans drank (poisoned) Kool Aid in Jonestown, Guyana. They were members of the People’s Temple out of San Francisco and they drank the Kool Aid because their cult leader, Jim Jones told them to.

This month marks the 25th anniversary of 39 members of the Heaven’s Gate cult implementing their own demise with phenobarbital and vodka cocktails because their cult leader, Marshall Applewhite told them a spaceship would beam them up to Heaven.

Never underestimate the power of a cult leader.

Don’t let these guys kid you, they are keeping nobody’s oath. They are part of Donnie’s walking zombies and there is no limit to what they might do for him.

Donnie is, without a doubt, the most successful cult leader in history.

As powerful as Donnie may be, though, I can’t help wondering what sort of mischief Joel Osteen could stir up with his little cult.

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