Republican National Committee issues stark warning to Republicans

Republican National Committee issues stark warning to Republicans

The Republican National Committee has issued a stark and urgent warning to Republicans. In a curiously worded and controversial statement, the RNC has redefined politics.

According to the statement, violent, deadly and heretofore anti-American behavior is now classified as legitimate political discourse.

You should be aware that 500 people may pin you between a door and its frame, effectively squeezing the life out of you with the sole intention of inviting you into the conversation.

It’s important during this unsettling time that you be aware of your surroundings. Someone could sneak up behind you and smash a fire extinguisher over your head in an effort to get you to reconsider your position on the 2020 presidential election.

After all, Donnie Trump’s own Attorney General and Department of Homeland Security assured you that the election was free, fair and the most secure in U.S. history, so why take the word of the LOSER that somehow, in some magical fashion, the election was stolen from him?

It’s entirely possible that a group of antifers – those folks who, like the heroes of World War II, put their bodies on the line to stand up to Fascism and Fascists – will surround you and commence to beating you about the head and body with flag poles to try to find out why you don’t stand with them and against Fascism and Fascists.

They may ask you why an American president would be against people standing up Fascism, the antithesis of American democracy.

They may even try to remind you that your father or grandfather might have fought his way onto a beach in France in a sacred mission to defeat Hitler and his Nazis and Mussolini and his Fascists.

In those days, we shot Nazis and Fascists, we didn’t vote for them.

If a guy in a funny head dress breaks into your house, smears doody on your walls and steals your stuff, he’s just there to tell you that President Biden’s Build Back Better agenda is about the most American thing there is, that building up our country and helping people who need it the most isn’t Socialism, it’s actually Christianity in action.

He may also try to tell you that America’s economy grew faster during the first year of President Biden’s presidency than at ANY OTHER TIME IN HISTORY, SIX MILLION jobs were created and the stock market, contrary to Donnie Trump’s dire warning, continued the upward trajectory that began during the presidency of Barack Obama.

Black people building a gallows on your front lawn are just there to call attention to the inordinate number of unarmed black men shot, on a daily basis by armed and trained law officers, many times during routine traffic stops.

Sure, this stuff seems violent and might even cause severe injury and/or death, but that’s the beauty of America. We will go to any length at all to engage in legitimate political discourse.

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