Voting for Dummies: Easily understandable reasons why this election was fair (and how Donnie's baseless claims of a "rigged" election are the biggest hoax yet)

Voting for Dummies:  Easily understandable reasons why this election was fair (and how Donnie's baseless claims of a "rigged" election are the biggest hoax yet)

I know you’re mad and I don’t blame you.  Your guy lost and no one likes losing, but don’t shoot the messenger.

The system worked, just as it worked in 2016.

Many of us spent the days, months and years after the 2016 election in states of denial, disbelief and depression.  We couldn’t believe that a corrupt, morally and financially bankrupt charlatan could come out of nowhere and take over our White House.

A pathological liar, according to Ted Cruz.  A race-baiting, religious bigot, according to Lindsey Graham.  A guy who Moscow Mitch generously said, doesn’t know a lot about the issues. 

Trump said that he would not accept the results of the 2016 election unless he won.  He said then, just as he’s saying now that the only way he could lose is if the election is rigged.

We know that being a Trumpster isn’t easy.  It requires dedication and constant vigilance.  Most of us would be exhausted just trying to maintain your level of agitation and outrage for just one day.

We drank, we cried, we commiserated with each other, but none of us showed up at anyone’s house with an AR-15 to threaten that person for just doing their job.

The hardest part of Trumpism may be having to continually remind yourself that all scientists, scholars, doctors, historians and journalists have devoted their lives to deceiving YOU.

You are only allowed to believe what a failed-businessman-turned-reality-TV-guy who’s grifted, cheated, lied and intimidated his way through life tells you to believe.

Listening to Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and an array of Trump’s elite corps of lying liars, sycophants and supplicants doesn’t help, either.

For years, Republicans have been gerrymandering congressional districts, shuttering polling places, blocking voter access, purging voter rolls and otherwise disenfranchising college students, the poor, the old and people of color.

Their stated goal is to prevent Democrats from voting.  How is it that you now think Joe Biden is the one who cheated?

Here’s a couple truths that are quantifiable and undeniable:

Donnie lost the popular election TWICE; by 3 million votes in 2016, by SEVEN MILLION last month.

Joe Biden got a greater percentage of votes against an incumbent president than anyone since 1932, when President Herbert Hoover was defeated by Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Recount after recount has substantiated those numbers.

If I thought someone might be powerful enough, corrupt enough and motivated enough to rig an election, the name that comes to my mind (after Vladimir Putin) is Donald Trump.

After all, he is the President of the United States, the most powerful man on Earth.

He’s the only one who could install a corrupt Postmaster General to dismantle the Post Office in an attempt to cripple mail-in voting.

The thing that would bother me if I was a Trumpster is how, if those evil Democrats rigged a national election with some 80,000 polling places, did they do so badly in the Senate and House races?

The dawning realization that Trump’s been lying to you may be what really hurts.  He’s been using you like spray tan, just to make himself look good.

The Mexicans were never going to pay for the wall, but they didn’t have to.  There is no wall.

COVID-19 did not go away in April, it did not magically disappear and we were never rounding the turn. Those were all lies.

We’re still hearing about COVID-19, a month after the election and it’s only getting worse.

Even now, Donnie’s claim that the vaccine would make COVID-19 disappear is a lie.  It’s going to be a LONG winter and not a great spring.

For the record, Pfizer and BioNTech were NOT part of Operation Warp Speed, which is now proving to be more rhetoric than plan.

Trump’s taxes are not under audit, but that’s irrelevant because it doesn’t prevent him from showing us his returns.

Barack Obama was born in Hawaii and Trump never showed us one single piece of evidence to the contrary, despite his claim in 2010 that his investigators were uncovering stuff you wouldn’t believe.

It’s all a stack of lies, but don’t blame Governor Whitmer, Joe Biden or Nancy Pelosi.  There are folks in this world you can trust, but Donnie isn’t one of them.


Trump’s own appointees, including Attorney General Bill Barr, have definitively declared this election to be free, fair and secure.  There was no fraud, no one stole anything.

Elections generally have a blue shift, where ballots mailed in by predominantly Democratic voters move the needle in Democratic candidates’ favor.

One of the reasons that it takes so long to tabulate ballots is that Republican legislators in 14 states passed laws to prevent mail-in ballots from being counted before Election Day.

2020 saw the largest number of Americans vote EVER (some 160 million), many of them by mail because of the COVID-19 pandemic.  Did you volunteer to help count those votes?

Donald Trump got 74 million votes, more than any presidential candidate had gotten previously.  Many of us remain incredulous, but that is the will of those people.

President-elect Joe Biden got 81 million votes, many of them tabulated in the days following Election Day, and that is the will of America.

That is not a steal.  It is America working at it’s best.

According to Donald Trump’s Department of Homeland Security, this was the most secure election in America’ history.

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