The following was first posted on 11/22/18. It was written for a non-COVID, second Trump Thanksgiving, but seems appropriate today. Have a happy Thanksgiving and please stay safe out there:
Thanksgiving can be stressful and this year will be worse. That I can tell you.
Other than sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top, I’m not a fan of Thanksgiving food and tend to approach the gathering of relatives with trepidation.
Coming from a largely dysfunctional family may have soured me on holiday meals. As far as Thanksgiving goes, it seems like another made up, Hallmark holiday that totally sucks.
Some folks look forward to Thanksgiving as a kickoff event, in a very literal sense. There are probably more football games on Thanksgiving than any other day of the year.
Not a big football fan, so I may be wrong about that.
Thanksgiving also kicks off the holiday shopping season and historically, the beginning of the end for Native Americans.
Not such a great remembrance if you belong to the Sioux Nation. Do we really want to remind Native Americans that White people are the worst immigrants EVER?
Down below are some good reasons to avoid Thanksgiving dinner as well as some viable excuses. If you must go, however, take a lesson from Larry David.
David, creator and star of Curb Your Enthusiasm is in a constant struggle with himself and everyone around him. He has mastered a technique though, from which we can all benefit, and not just on holidays.
Arguments break down into two main categories. There’s the political-religious ones, which nobody ever wins and should be avoided like Aunt Millie’s string bean casserole.
Then there’s the more personal arguments that peel scabs of of old wounds. They generally start with things like You should have known, I told you before… or the ever popular, Why would you..?
These arguments turn into circuitous loops that can drone on until all the pumpkin pie is gone.
Instead of allowing yourself to get caught in that trap, just stop. Take a few beats and stare intently at the other person’s nose. Give it a good 10-15 seconds.
Then, just say, OK and go back to what you were doing as if it never happened.
To watch the master in action, click HERE.
While this technique won’t actually solve anything, you can still walk away a winner. Most of the time, it works pretty, pretty, pretty good.
Five good reasons to skip Thanksgiving dinner
1. You can line up early to buy a 70″ TV at Walmart for $50
2. You’re worried that cousin Eddie just got his concealed carry permit
3. It takes you a month to recover from touch football game
4. Aunt Martha keeps complaining that the government wants to take over her Medicare
5. Stuffing – ’nuff said
Five reasonable excuses
1. Toilet overflowed, have to wait for plumber
2. Volunteer border patrol duty today
3. Car stolen
4. Dog/cat keeps vomiting/has diarrhea
5. Still in Pennsylvania counting votes
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