Carrie Underwood tells women how to treat bad men with even worse advice

Carrie Underwood tells women how to treat bad men with even worse advice
image: Mo's Universe

This would be a good day for one of those patriotic, July 4th commentaries, but I’ve got nothing today.  Below is something I posted back in January, 2017, which I’m re-posting because I just heard the song.

Have a safe 4th of July and remember this:  1. Light fuse  2. Drop firecracker  3. Run

Carrie Underwood is a multiple Grammy winning country artist who first rose to fame as the Season 4 (2005) winner of American Idol. With more than 150 worldwide awards, Underwood did exactly what Simon Cowell predicted she would do when he said, “you will sell more records than any other previous winner.”

She did that and a whole lot more. Underwood is considered to be one of the most successful artists of any music genre.

One of Underwood’s early successes was her 2007 hit, “Before He Cheats,” which is self explanatory. While it’s not exactly a groundbreaking theme in country music, it’s a great song and I confess to having it on my ipod.

The chorus goes like this:

“I dug my key into the side
Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights
I slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats”

All of the actions described above are against the law.  Depending on the state in which their committed, they can be categorized as Vandalism, Destruction of Property and/or Damage to Property.  If that “pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive” is worth more than $500, they can be felonies, punishable by more than a year in prison.

Mess up that guy’s car and you could be answering “Yes” to the convicted felon question on job applications.   A felony conviction for an act of violence can also put a number of professional licenses at risk.

The object lesson of “Before He Cheats” is that any actions you take to demonstrate your displeasure are legitimate and justifiable.  They are not.

Our legal system does not allow for anyone to take on the roll of judge, jury and executioner, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.  While cheating may be despicable, unforgivable and nasty, one thing that it is not is punishable by girlfriend.

Cheating may not be right, but it happens.

As an old fashioned guy, I like to think that men are the culprits of infidelity. We’re scoundrels who have a genetic tendency to think with the wrong head.  To paraphrase what the scorpion said to the frog, it’s our nature.

All that being said, you can’t go around committing illegal acts of violence because your man cheats on you. You’re the stronger, wiser sex. We look to you to demonstrate judicious behavior.  Besides, you don’t want to look like you’ve been victimized by that philandering loser, do you?

What if the boyfriend came out for a smoke and saw Carrie smashing his headlights with a Louisville slugger?  What would she do with that bat when he charged at her in a blind rage?  It’s a short hop from vandalism to homicide.

At the end of the first verse of “Before He Cheats” Carrie says,

“Right now, he’s probably buying
Her some fruity little drink
‘Cause she can’t shoot whiskey”

I’ve partaken of the fruity little drink on occasion.  We shouldn’t think less of women who don’t shoot whiskey.

1. Was Carrie shooting whiskey before going on that criminal rampage in the parking lot?
2. What if, after seven shots, she accidentally vandalized the wrong guy’s “pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive”?

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