Edgar Maddison Welch May Be the Poster Boy for Trump's Basket of Deplorables

Edgar Maddison Welch May Be the Poster Boy for Trump's Basket of Deplorables

People like Edgar Maddison Welch scare the bejesus out of me and they should scare you, too. These people aren’t just a menace to society, they’re a menace to the advancement of civilization.

In case you missed it, Edgar Maddison Welch is the cretin who got in his car with a rifle and a hand gun and drove 350 miles from his home in Salisbury, North Carolina to Washington, D.C.. to investigate a blatantly ridiculous, fake news story.

I don’t know what scares me more, the fact that people like Edgar Maddison Welch can buy guns or the fact that they can vote. Why should thinking Americans have to share valuable and vanishing resources like air and water with people like Edgar Maddison Welch?

In case you’re one of the knuckle-draggers who believe the most outrageously unbelievable stories-as long as they say bad things about Hillary Clinton-Edgar Maddison Welch NEVER portrayed a gunman in a pizza place during his short-lived attempt at acting.

That, too was just more fake news for fake humans. You know the ones, they look like actual people, yet they have no ability to think rationally or critically. It’s possible they were dumped here by an alien race purging their planet of undesirables.

If you were one of the fake humans who believed the story about Hillary Clinton and John Podesta running a slave ring out of a pizza place in Washington, D.C., you may also believe that there is a guy in Nigeria who wants to send you $20 Million.

The guy in Nigeria, though wants you to send him $5,000 to process the money transfer. You can save yourself a lot of money by just sending me twenty bucks and forgetting about the Nigerian guy.

Your saving grace, if you did not grab a gun and head to Comet Ping Pong in Washington, D.C. is that you have some control over your actions, if not your thoughts.

Edgar Maddison Welch had no self-control. He walked into a packed pizza place on a Sunday afternoon and started shooting. Clearly, kids in Comet Ping Pong were in danger, only the danger was Edgar Maddison Welch.

Welch told police that he was there to “self-investigate” the fake news story about the fake slave ring. No, he wasn’t.

Self-investigating is what women do to check for breast cancer. Self-investigating is what people like Edgar Maddison Welch do when they’re watching porn, assuming they take breaks from fake news.

People like Edgar Maddison Welch don’t know the difference between investigating for themselves and “self-investigating.” And therein lies the problem.

If people like Edgar Maddison Welch would do a little more actual investigation, they may not be so easily influenced by fake news.

If people like Edgar Maddison Welch would do a little more actual investigation, posting fake news online wouldn’t be a growing industry.

If people like Edgar Maddison Welch knew the difference between “self-examination” and actual investigation, they might actually be qualified to cast an informed ballot.

Leave a comment