Lenny Tie Folder has fallen and he can't get up

Lenny Tie Folder has fallen and he can't get up
image: wesharepics.info

Lenny Tie Folder is either an avid reader or just a guy with too much time on his hands.  I’m inclined to suspect the latter.

Mr. Tie Folder was someone I knew from a place of employment that has long since disappeared.  There were thousands of faces and his was just one of them.  We were not friends by any definition of the word, but he recently dogged me for about a year to “Friend” him on Facebook.

Once I hit the magic “Confirm” button, he started appearing regularly on my page.  It seemed that no matter what time I posted a blog, his response would appear within minutes.

It didn’t matter if it was 1:00 AM, 6:00 AM or 3:00 in the afternoon.

His comments were neither original nor sinister, just the usual, “You’re a lefty,” “Hillary sucks,” etc.  Sometimes he was funny, but mostly droll.

This pattern went on for a few years when, last week he sent me the following message on Facebook:

I had brain surgery partially disabled am ordered not to be political by dr please get me off your Facebook page thks

I’m not kidding.  That was the actual message.  Ver-freakin-batim.  As you might guess, I found that message strange on many levels.

Did his neurosurgeon really order him not to read my Facebook page?  Was Lenny’s brain surgery unsuccessful?  Would his continued reading of posts on my Facebook page cause him to stroke out?  If he was disabled and in such fragile condition, why was he perusing my Facebook page in the first place?

Perhaps the main question begged here was whether or not Mr. Tie Folder was yanking my tie.  Was he just making all that up or did he have so much of his brain removed that he didn’t know what he was saying?

Erring on the side of safety, I told Mr. Tie Folder that I was sorry to hear of his medical tribulations and wished him a speedy recovery (if that was even in the cards).  I advised him not to read my posts and to “Unfriend” me to prevent my toxic drivel from encroaching upon his convalescence.

I got the following response a couple days later:

bob I am partly disabled I don’t lore how to befriend you and their is no phone number that I can find you have a right to your opinion but could you show me how Please it’s affecting my health

Again, verbatim.  You can’t make this stuff up.  I immediately “Unfriended” Lenny, just so nobody could accuse me of pushing him over the edge, but anyone who puts their health in my hands does so at his peril.

Is this really a thing?  Can my silly little posts present a mortal danger to a reader who can’t seem to look away?

I read a lot of stuff,  Right Wing, Left Wing, Al Jazeera, Stormfront (a white supremacist thing) and all sorts of extremist propaganda.  Some of it brings my blood to a near boil.

The thing is, you need to know what’s out there to achieve perspective.  If you really can’t abide the words of someone with whom you vehemently disagree, you shouldn’t read those words.

Don’t put the burden of what you read on those who write.  Pretty soon we’ll be down in Midland, Texas burning textbooks.

You may think that the story ends here, but after all of Lenny’s mishegas about his grave infirmity, I got the following Facebook message from him yesterday:

You are a useful idiot you should be ashamed of yourself

I”m guessing that he meant to say that I am a “useless idiot,” not a “useful” one, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thanked him for pointing out that I was, at least useful.

To which he replied, “Say that to my face big boy

Either Lenny has been lying about his condition or I’ve been challenged to a fight by a partly disabled, neurosurgical patient.   That’s a first, even for me.

My alternative theory is that Lenny is one of the actual-news-challenged aliens who can’t allow any thoughts into their heads that conflict with the directives of the mother Fox ship.

Next Sunday, as part of Team XRT, I’m going to take the Polar Plunge, in support of Special Olympics.

I’m thinking about asking Lenny Tie Folder to join me.  I just need to figure out how to ask him in what capacity he could participate.

You can click here for more info on Chicago’s Polar Plunge

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