Cruz, Danson, Koppel, Kacynski, Kennedy, Turner and both Teds

Cruz, Danson, Koppel, Kacynski, Kennedy, Turner and both Teds

There’s a lot of famous Teds out there.  I mentioned a bunch in the title, you can probably think of a bunch more.  The last two, the ones listed as “both Teds” aren’t exactly people, but we’re going to talk about them, anyway.

Some of those Teds mentioned in the title have had or currently have presidential aspirations.  One of them has actually thrown his hat into the ring for the 2016 presidential election.  I would actually vote for one of the Teds listed, but not that one.

There’s also a bunch of Cruzes, including Penelope, Tom and Pablo, although the last two spell their last names, “c-r-u-i-s-e.”  And Pablo Cruise isn’t an actual person, it’s the name of a band.  (Please don’t email me if your name actually is Pablo Cruise).

Pable Cruise

Under the heading of “both Teds”, we have a talking stuffed animal and a non-profit forum for “ideas worth spreading.”  Both simply go by the name, Ted.  Like Oprah.

If you’ve seen the move, Ted , you know about the talking stuffed animal and you’re probably looking forward to the sequel coming out in June.

I liked Ted.  He was funny and he was honest and sometimes he even made sense.  What more could you ask of a presidential candidate?  I could definitely support a pot-smoking, talking, stuffed animal for president over a real guy who watched the Flintstones as if it was a documentary.  (Cruz thinks the Earth is only 6,000 years old, and he wants you to share that belief)

The other singularly-named Ted is like Youtube for people who don’t watch FOX News.  It’s a forum for ideas and interests that, quite frankly would be of no interest to Ted Cruz.

If, however you have any kind of interest in the world around you or the experiences and ideas of others who share it, you can find something to watch on this Ted.  You can even attend local and worldwide events and share ideas with real, thinking human beings.

You may remember a Ted Kacynski, also known as the Unabomber.  This particular Ted, now residing in a federal Supermax facility, once enjoyed a 13-year reign of terror in his personal war against technology.  He also introduced us the horror of the hooded sweatshirt.


Like Ted Cruz, Kacynski was a bright kid who attended Harvard.  Like Ted Cruz, Kacynski couldn’t accept the natural progress of mankind and wanted to bomb us back into the 18th Century.

The New Hampshire primary is about 10 months away and Ted Cruz is the first and only official Republican contender.  In more sane times, this would be nothing more than fodder for late night monologs.  The times, however are what they are.

In strictly political terms, Cruz has miserably failed his first test as a fiscal conservative.  How can we trust a man to cut spending on a trillion dollar budget when he can’t even hold the line in his own office.

As I mentioned in a previous blog Cruz spent almost FOUR MILLION DOLLARS on staff salaries last year, up from a measly $2.8 Million in his first year in the Senate.  Extrapolate that to the national budget and it’s unfathomable what 4 years of a President Ted Cruz could cost us.

At a core level, I have to say that my non-psychiatrist opinion of Cruz is that he’s nuts.  To me, a Jew, his announcement of candidacy at Liberty University was like an invitation to a Ku Klux Klan pig roast.

The name, “Liberty” itself is contradictory to the mission of L.U.  Attendance at Cruz’s appearance was mandatory, a $10 fine levied for non-attendance.  Jerry Falwell, founder of the Moral Majority and head of the university until his death in 2007 adamantly supported the idea that medical research needed to be “biblically correct.”

What is and what is not biblically correct is debatable, but when a guy like Ted Cruz says that “our rights come from God Almighty”, what he really means is that God told him how we should live.

Liberty to guys like Cruz means his liberty to impose his values on everyone else.  If he thinks the government should get out of everyone’s lives, why is he so hell-bent on imposing his will on those lives.  What’s it his business who marries whom?

Take note:   If your answer contains a three-letter word that starts with a capital “G”, you’re trying to impose your religious beliefs on me.  Maybe not specifically me, but you get the idea.

We’ve already got enough wackos trying to govern religiously.  Can you spell “sharia?”  How is the Taliban or ISIS any different than anyone else who thinks that his God is the only God?  Or that he knows exactly what God wants from you?

By the time the next president takes office, it will be 2017, well into the 21st Century.  The planet can not afford a U.S. President who discounts the opinions of 98% of the scientific world when it comes to climate change.

Or one who thinks people scurried about while dinosaurs roamed the Earth.

The current strategy for Republican presidential hopefuls is to run as far to the right as possible through the primaries, then try to claim some middle ground going into the general election.  The problem with Cruz is that he’s so far out there that a romp to the left for him still leaves him on the far right.

The scary thing about Cruz is that he’s already shown that he’s willing to burn down his own house in a high-stakes game of chicken.  That’s not a very appealing trait for a guy who wants the power to solve global warming with nuclear winter.

Unless he does something really bizarre, which is always a possibility, I think that this is all I’m going to say about Ted Cruz.  Dude, your 15 minutes are up.

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