Texas Ebola patients to be treated at governor's mansion

In an unprecedented move, Texas Governor Rick Perry has informed health care officials that all new cases of Ebola will be moved to Austin and quarantined at the governor’s mansion.

Apparently, a secret infectious disease ward was built in the basement of the mansion during the rehab that followed an attempt to burn it down in 2008.

If you’re one of those skeptics and don’t think any of that is true, you’re right.  But it could be.

Tea Party mullah and Texas Senator Ted Cruz texted the other day that we need leadership, not another czar.  This after President Obama named Ron Klain as Ebola Czar.

Based on the Tea Party’s disdain of government and their support of state’s rights, it stands to reason that the leadership they’re looking for should come from the state most affected by Ebola.

Both Cruz and Perry have called for a strengthening of our southern border and travel restrictions from anyplace with the potential for exporting Ebola.  It’s a hat trick. The answers are Texas, Texas and Texas, yet again.

If my geography serves me, a wall from the northwest corner of Texas would separate it from New Mexico, then up around the bottom of Oklahoma east to Mississippi and then south to Louisiana and we’ve got the virus contained.  As well as a few of their infectious retro-ideas.

This would be a win-win for Texas.  Governor Perry has floated the idea of secession throughout his term.  With the wall in place, he could keep out northerners and set about creating a Texas in his own image.

During Perry’s unsuccessful presidential bid in 2011, he pledged to dismantle the federal government, beginning with the Departments of Education and Commerce.  There was a third department he wanted to scuttle, but I can’t remember which one that was right now.  Oops.

Without federal interference, Texas could cut wasteful spending and empower its Department of Education to better suit the needs of Texas students.  They could eliminate the science curriculum and streamline history classes, especially those dealing with the Civil War.

They could throw out their newly approved voter I.D. law and have elections that make sense for Texas.  At the beginning of the 20th Century, there used to be two lines at polling places, one for a Republican ballot box and one for a Democratic ballot box.

Polling places in a free Texas would look like modern polling places in other states, except for the sign over the Election Judges’ table that reads, “Whites Only.”

If Texas isn’t successful stopping the spread of Ebola, the rest of America will be able to breath easy knowing that the disease will be contained within the wall.  Then all we have to do is give Texas back to Mexico and let them deal with the bodies.

Como se dice, “Fuck the Alamo?”

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