To everyone with whom I've had a disagreement. In other words, To everyone

To ask me to write a letter to someone with whom I’ve had a disagreement is like asking me to pick my favorite grain of sand on Oak Street Beach.  The choices are endless.

At the ripe old age of sixty-something, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a cantankerous old coot.

That might be overstating it a bit, but I’m definitely an argumentative son of a gun.  Sometimes I’m amazed at my ability to hop over the proverbial fence to take the opposite side of an issue, arguing against my own actual beliefs.

If I was getting paid to do it, I would call myself a professional devil’s advocate.  As it is, I’m probably just a pain in the ass.

It’s not that I want to argue with everyone, it’s just that it doesn’t seem like most people spend a lot of time developing their opinions.  When you argue with them, it’s more like you’re arguing with the last person they talked to, the one who convinced them of their current position.

Even when someone agrees with me, I tend to challenge them to see if they really know what they’re talking about or if they’re just hopping aboard a band wagon.  Or, worse, just toeing the party line.

Me, I spend a lot of time deliberating over everything I believe, on an almost daily basis.

I’ve always been pro-choice, for example, which I took to mean that I was pro-abortion.  The truth is, I’m not all that comfortable with the concept of abortion.  Pictures of those late term abortions can be pretty heart rending.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pro-choice.  Just because I’m not pro-abortion doesn’t mean I should decide the fate of a pregnant woman, however she got into that predicament.

A couple of the disagreements I’ve had in recent times had nothing to do with anyone’s opinion and everything to do with impotent little people who need to feel powerful.

The first one happened a couple years ago and resulted in my getting kicked off an airplane in Denver, Colorado.

It was the day American Airlines experience a system-wide computer failure and I was stuck on an airplane with my wife, two dogs and no explanations.  Finally, a disembodied voice came over the loudspeakers to offer an explanation, of sorts and to advise us that, should we choose to “de-plane,” we should stay close to the gate area.

As I was leaving the plane, a doe-eyed stewardess said that she DID ask that I return to my seat.  We had, what I thought was a calm discussion and, yada, yada, yada I got kicked off the plane.

A nice lady at the gate told me that the stewardess told the captain that she did not feel safe with me in the airplane, which is ironic.  I was probably one of the few people aboard who could land the damn thing if the pilot and co-pilot had simultaneous heart attacks.

That, my friends is how you win an argument when you are ill-equipped to do it verbally.

Another way to win an argument is to call a lawyer.  Insert your favorite lawyer joke here.

A few years ago an idiot, whose name may or may not be Sam Goldman-but that’s what we’ll call him for now-moved into the house across the yard from mine.  One of the first things he said to me was that my days of listening to music in back yard were over.

After his repeatedly calling the police, I realized that no matter how low I kept the music volume in my yard, Mr. Goldman would never be satisfied.  He told me that he didn’t want to hear evidence of anyone living near him when he was relaxing-from what, I don’t know-in his back yard.

Mr. Goldman wants to enjoy the solitude of the North Woods right here in my neighborhood.

The police eventually told Mr. Goldman to stop calling, that my music did not rise to the level of nuisance.  They also insisted that I take out a No Trespassing order against Mr. Goldman so that he could no longer appear at my door in his campaign of harassment.

None of this sat well with Mr. Goldman.

When I finish writing this, I’m going to have a beer and try to decide how I am going to answer Mr. Goldman’s lawyer’s complaint.  Any suggestions, Sam?

Keep up with my posts and let me know what you think.  Just type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. You will NEVER get anything else from me (no SPAM!), and you can opt out at any time.

Filed under: Commentary, Editorial, Satire

Tags: Disagreement

Leave a comment