In Chicago, CPD vs. CFD exists on many levels, especially during summer. The natural, mostly-good-natured rivalry between Chicago’s two groups of first responders is regularly played out on baseball diamonds across the city. I’ve even had the opportunity to ride my motorcycle onto the warning tracks at both Wrigley and Cellular One Fields as a participant in the opening ceremonies of Chicago’s Bravest v. Chicago’s Finest, an annual baseball game played in tribute to fallen officers and fire fighters.
In the TV show, Chicago Fire the men and women of Fire Station 51 are mostly portrayed as young, robust and attractive. The two female EMT’s who drive the ambulance are flat out hot, even when there’s no flames for miles. At least one of the male leads who play Kelly Severide, Matthew Casey or Peter Mills has an obligatory shirtless scene in each episode. I’m not fessing up to any kind of man-crush here, but if I could borrow any of their bodies, I’d head straight down to Oak Street Beach.
The least fit of the squad is a guy called “Mouch”, who likes to hang out on the couch and eat donuts. While Mouch may not be a candidate for any topless firefighting, he still seems to be relatively physically fit. At the very worst, he’s just an average guy with an average body.
The only reference point for Chicago’s Finest, sadly is on the show, Mike and Molly. Appropriately-named CPD Officer Mike Biggs is played by Billy Gardel, a very large man. If I was robbing a 7 Eleven store and saw Officer Biggs pull up in his squad car, I don’t think I would feel the need to flee in any great hurry. By the time he got himself out of the car and in through the door of the convenience store, I would be long gone.
I also don’t think I’d have to worry about him getting his gun out of his holster too quickly or chasing me down an alley and hopping over a fence. It’s hard to imagine any police fitness guidelines within which Officer Biggs would qualify for duty.
Mike Bigg’s wife, Molly is portrayed by the curiously-popular Melissa McCarthy, not quite as fetching as cousin, Jenny. Still, when Mike and Molly met at an Overeaters Anonymous meeting, they somehow found each other…something, I don’t know what. Desirable? Attractive?
Like Jack Black in Shallow Hal, Mike seems to see Molly as a svelte nubile in thong underwear. She, apparently sees him as Bradley Cooper, which begs the question: Does being fat make you see other fat people in a different light or does it make you readjust your expectations?
Fat jokes, aside, it just feels like our boys in blue got shortchanged here. I’m thinking that our Superintendent, Garry McCarthy should appeal to Chicago Fire producer, Dick Wolf to do a cop show featuring at least one buffed-out, pumped-up district.
Wait a minute. What if Garry and Melissa McCarthy are related? Shoot, I hope I didn’t leave my car in a No Parking Zone.
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