The more I drink, the more I drink (From Blake Shelton's The More I Drink)

I’ve never been a big drinker, although I do a make a stab at it from time to time. Let’s face it, we all like to party a bit and no one really trusts a teetotaler. Serious drinking, though is an endeavor. It takes determination, stamina and commitment. You could say it takes a village.

To be truly committed, I think you have to be willing to drink at all times of the day and in all types of circumstances. You probably have to be willing (and able) to drink in the morning and drink alone, if need be, although many serious drinkers seem to band together in mutual support.

It seems that serious drinkers seem to break down into three main categories. The first category generally think of themselves as social drinkers, and we most often view them the same way. They’re often the life of the party and just a few shades more inebriated than everyone else right off the bat. About half the time this group will display some physical impairment, often to the point of complete debility. Some “social drinkers” turn mean, but eventually they’ll find themselves with fewer and fewer friends to share the party and may slip into the next category.

Category two are hard core. They recognize their libational experiences may be somewhat extreme and are forced to conceal their drinking, often because of job, family or spousal pressures. The secretive nature of their imbibing belies their constant denial of a problem. As noted above, social drinkers who find they have offended most of their social network may find themselves slipping into this group.

The third category is a hodge-podge of commited drinkers and, by nature is fluid in its composition. It consists of those who meander back and forth between groups one and two and those who find every occasion an opportunity to partake in their favorite beverage, whether alone in their cubicle at work, at the office birthday party, a niece’s confirmation or a back yard bar-b-que. They seem to give it their all at every conceivable opportunity.

We haven’t considered here the motivational factors which might put one on track to join one of these groups, that would be a formidable task, indeed. Arguably, there’s a myriad of reasons and rationale, some more common than others, although each individual might feel that his driving influence is unique. Simply put, though serious drinking is not for everyone.

I have never been able to maintain a routine of alcoholic consumption for more than 2 or 3 days at a time. I just don’t seem to have that kind of focus. I wonder if it would be easier to acquire a smoking habit.

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