Infertility Sucks!!

Infertility Sucks!!

I just want to scream it sometimes. At the top of my lungs, from my toes to the very top of my head. Infertility sucks!!!!!

It sucks!!!!

Sucks! Sucks! Sucks!

We have a beautiful son. I am thankful every day that we were blessed with him. I know friends and family that may never have that chance because of infertility and my heart breaks for them. But, my heart breaks too because we can’t have anymore.

Walking into my son’s daycare is pretty difficult some days. Today was no exception. A mom I talk to every morning was wearing a jacket normally zipped up tight open for all to see.

The bump.

The bump. That damn bump. The bump that knocks the wind right out of you. The bump you will never have again.

The little life growing inside of you. Your little baby. Your son or daughter. Yours. Seeing  the bump can be maddening at times. I can admit that.

We decided to move past the bump and start proceedings to foster a child with the hope of adoption. A process that is long and tedious. And just when the excitement peaks that you are licensed and waiting, the waiting takes the wind out of your sails.

Waiting. And waiting.

Our day will come again. But for now the sting is still there every time I see the bump. The sting of two losses. Two babies I will never hold. I miss having a baby. I missed out on so much with my son because of Postpartum Depression. I couldn’t appreciate all his wonder. If I could just get a little of that back.

But the past is the past and the future is what is ahead. And as much as infertility sucks, there is so much more to look forward to and be thankful for.


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