We don't cuddle anymore and I'm ok with that

We don't cuddle anymore and I'm ok with that

I remember when Daddy Mayhem and I first started dating. We were all over each other. We would cuddle in bed at night. All night. Spoon. I would wake up with his arm draped over me. We adjusted accordingly to our tossing and turning and still be touching.

It was sweet.


Then I got pregnant. And the pregnancy pillow became my new best friend. We tried to adjust this 9 foot snake pillow so that we could still cuddle but that shit flew out the window real quick.

Then came the baby. And my Postpartum Depression. And the hormones. And I was hot.

Real hot.

Not horny hot.

Don’t fucking touch me I’m on fire and will melt your skin, hot.

It stayed.

For months.

It’s still there.

Even in my darkest hours I didn’t want to be touched. I just wanted my space.

Even after the darkness lifted, we both had changed.

It became a way of life.

So we bought a king size bed.

Our own space.

And it’s made our lives better.

Studies say that people who don’t cuddle together don’t stay together. I call bullshit.

I love my partner more now than I ever have.

I think personal space is key to a relationship. Plus honestly, cuddling is uncomfortable.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good post coital cuddle. I like laying together and watching television. I love talking and cuddling. I love hugs. I occasionally like sleeping next to my partner. But in general, when I sleep, I just want me.

Looking back on when we were dating I distinctly remember feeling trapped, smothered. Like I wanted to chew my own arm off to reach safety. My arms would fall asleep. I had a stiff neck. My back hurt from being in the same position for hours upon hours.

I need to spread out. Stretch. Sleep in the fetal position. Drool on my pillow. Snore like a mo-fo. Fart.

It’s not you. It’s me.

How many of you still cuddle all night?



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Filed under: TJ's Blogs

Tags: relationships

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