Today is my birthday.
Birthday number 42.
Up until a few years ago, I never felt my age. I never really thought I looked my age. But then I had a kid.
And now I’m every bit of 42.
I used to look at my friends’ Facebook photos and think to myself , “Do I look that old?” “Do we look that old?”
I have aged. I look back on pictures prior to having my son and I don’t look like myself anymore. I don’t recognize that person in the mirror.
Young. Vibrant. Well rested.
I’ve traded those things in for diapers and dinosaurs.
And grey hair.
I see a mother in the mirror.
I see more of my own mother in my face these days.
I see my grandmother in my attitude.
I see someone I never thought I would.
Do I miss the old me?
Would I trade 42 for 35?
I have a life I never thought was possible. I have a beautiful home. I have a great guy I don’t deserve most days and a son I never dreamed of that makes 42 well worth it.
Sure, my needs are different at 42.
Pre child my needs were simple: Money, food, sex, and sleep.
Granted, I still need those things.
I need, like really need, sleep. Like sleep all night, uninterrupted, stay in bed until 10am….wait..noon..sleep.
I need to wake up and go to sleep each day hearing the words “momma” and “I love you”.
I need to see the faces of my little boy and my fiancé everyday.
I need my health. For me. For them. But especially for him.
I need my family and their love and support.
I need to laugh, cough, and sneeze without peeing my pants.
I need coffee.
I need to write. For me.
I need my son to eat. Like a whole fucking meal. Not a bite here and there with tears and argument.
I need a night where I am not letting a barking dog out at 2am and a child that insists on a glass of milk in a Sippy Cup I cannot assemble half asleep at the same time.
I need a regular date night with my partner.
I need adult interaction outside of work and daycare drop off.
I need a fucking babysitter.
I need to remember to feed the fish.
And lastly, man, I need a vacation.
This is 42.
And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Except maybe sleep.
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