The day I received a hate letter

The day I received a hate letter
THIS is what makes my heart happy!

Long before I started blogging I was already receiving hate mail. They say you’ve made it into the blogging world when you piss someone off enough to receive hateful emails, Facebook responses, and Tweets.

But what happens when you are just a regular person who had a baby and receive a hate letter?

You cry.

And shake with anger.

This happened to me in October of 2012. My son was just four months old.

I’ve always thought of myself as a good person. I’m the person people come to when they need advice. I’m a good listener. At the time I was very active in my community, running a dog rescue group for 12 years. I gave my life, my home, and my sanity to the cause.

I mostly hung out with my girlfriends. Dating rarely happened. I had a few long term boyfriends but for reasons, including the dogs, the relationships failed. Having children was never in the cards for me. The dogs were my life and quite honestly, I didn’t like children.

But then I met him. And that all changed.

We started trying for a baby a couple of years after we started dating. We are not married. After almost a year of trying we were pregnant. My son was born in July 2012.

I returned from work after 7 1/2 weeks of maternity leave. Not long after I received “the letter”.

It was mailed to my place of employment. The envelope was handwritten in a way to disguise the writing. The note on the inside was typed on white paper with a hot pink ink smudge from a faulty printer. The letter was not signed and it did not contain a return address.

The letter was disgusting.


First saying he tricked me into having a baby. Then saying I was a lesbian.

Next making crude remarks about his nationality and my utter dislike of children.

But then it took a turn. They made the letter about my son. An innocent baby. They said he was ugly. He looked like an alien and that I was ashamed of him for being Latino. Our family was unconventional and he was unwanted.

Lastly, a subtle threat. To scare me.

It tore my heart in two and angered me to my very core.

Who does something like that???

Did my choices in life affect someone that much that they had to voice their hateful opinion?

Clearly so.

At first we decided to keep it quiet. We didn’t want to give whomever wrote it the pleasure of knowing it got to me. That it upset me.

But it did.

And I decided to let the world know. Since it was clear that the information the author obtained was from my semi locked down Facebook profile, I made the hate letter public.

I called the author out.

But, no one confessed. No one admitted to it. Just like the cowardly letter, they remained a coward.

It’s been almost two years since I received that hate letter. I catch myself often wondering who wrote it and why.

I often wonder what I would say to that person if I found out. How I would react.

In all honesty, I don’t know.

What I do know is that my son was very much wanted. And unconventional or not, we decided to start a family without being married. Our relationship is stronger than many marriages. We did not plan our life to please anyone but ourselves.

And neither should you. Your decisions are your own. Your life choices are yours to make. Let the haters hate. Because at the end of the day, their hearts are cold and bitter.

And mine and yours are warm.

And filled with love.

Write that down.

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