Geez...It's Only a Penis Necklace

Geez...It's Only a Penis Necklace

I have a mini-van.  I currently do not drive it. Strange right? I have a toddler and I drive a 4-door vehicle. When I was single I drove a mini-van. Mixed up? Yes.

The van was purchased in 2004 at the height of my dog rescue days. The van was never “for me”. I was a soccer mom before I even had a child. It transported big, hair, drooly dogs and it shows. Occasionally, it was cleaned up, the Stow and Go seats came out, and I transported actual humans. Usually to an event like baseball games, bar nights, or bachelorette parties.

Bachelorette parties.

So there I am cleaning out the glove compartment. The last of my belongings. The last of my rescue days. And out comes a shiny necklace.

A necklace made of little multicolored penises.

I start to laugh. And then from below, standing next to the door, I hear “Mommy….preeeeeety!”.


“No sweetie, you can’t have this. It’s mommy’s.” (It totally was not mine!)

Crying ensues. What’s the harm? He’s just a little boy who wants to wear a necklace made of penises in his own backyard. He doesn’t know they’re penises. I sure as hell do and I find it hilarious.

Off he runs. Happy as a gay man at Pride.

Hours later I realize he is still wearing it. My partner is going to be home soon and I’m certain he isn’t going to find this nearly as entertaining as I do. I try to take the necklace. More crying. He likes it. It’s his bling. So, on it stays.

Daddy’s home.

Daddy: “Hey Buddy!”

Son: “Da-deee”!

Daddy: “What do you have there around your neck?”

Me: (Laughing starts) “Show daddy your necklace.”

Daddy: “What are those? Little shoes?”

Me: (hysterically laughing) “Nope, not little shoes”

Daddy: (looking closer) “Are those little dicks?” “TJ what’s wrong with you?”

Both laughing hysterically. Off runs Bubba Joe laughing with his little dicks bouncing around his neck.

Of course I had to post the picture to Facebook.

Later that night, my best friend Steve, who happens to be gay, made a comment to me about the photo. He said “I’m surprised you didn’t get a bunch of haters commenting on the post”.

Quite honestly, so was I. Not one rude comment. Are we finally coming around as a society? Is it finally safe for little boys to play with Barbies and play dress up without someone saying he’s going to end up gay? Can little girls play with Matchbox cars, be active in sports, and cut their hair any way they like without someone saying she’s going to end up “liking girls”? Can little boys run around their backyard with a penis necklace and everyone laughs instead of hating?

I hope so.

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