The Mayhem Guide to The Baby Registry

Every expecting mother dreams of the day she can stand in Babies R Us and point and shoot that little gun. The registry gun… the gun that will deliver all of her hopes and dreams onto a computer screen for all the world to purchase. Reality check…registering is hard. Unless you have done your research, choosing the best stroller, baby monitor, breast pump, etc. is not at all what it cracks up to be. Soon you and your significant other will find yourselves 4 hours in, hungry, tired, having to pee (again), and at each other’s throats over that little gun.

As my son approaches his first birthday, I find myself cleaning his closet, making room for his new batch of toys and clothes. There I stand staring at the crap I registered for. Crap we never used or used once. Crap I just had to have. Crap we pointed at and added to our registry. Crap that will find itself at a garage sale.

To our fellow new moms out there, when registering, point the gun at the following:

1) Diapers: All sizes, multiple boxes. TRUST me! There is nothing more expensive than diapers. Better yet, have a diaper shower. Have everyone just bring you diapers. You won’t regret it!

2) Wipes (you never use just one.)

3) Onesies (it’s amazing how many times you change their clothes each day)

4) Crib sheets and waterproof pads

5) Burp clothes (yes, they like to spit up)

6) Receiving blankets

7) Pacifiers (I prefer the WubbaNub)

8) Beer (for dad)

9) Wine (for mom)

10) A cleaning lady

Below is a list of items to avoid. They look cute, are must haves in your eyes, and are a complete waste of time! Don’t believe me? Revisit this post in one year. I will have a table all set up for you at next year’s garage sale.


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