In honor of one of my most
beloved hated holidays other than its evil cousin Sweetest Day, I give you my bloody Valentine’s Day Pet Peeves!
1) Women (and some gay men too) who MUST get a Valentine from their man and base the future existence of their relationship on it. Get a grip, it’s a fucking card.
2) Women who make it point to take a photo of the exact same flowers their husband sends every year and post it on Facebook with the exact same reaction. “Oh, look at what my man got me this year!” “Isn’t he the best?” “Muu-wha”
3) Women who make above said husband out to be “The Husband of The Year”. Oh please! We all know what kind of POS he is the other 364 days a year.
4) The amount of money spent on above said flowers. You realize they die right? Nothing like watching $100 or more wilt away.
5) Couples who stay together simply because Valentine’s Day is “right around the corner”. So, is a Strip Club. You will get more action there, my friend.
6) Jewelry commercials. Who gives a flying fuck if he “went to Jared”. You do realize he just wanted to get laid, right?
7) Men who “went to Jared” for the sole purpose of getting laid.
8) Those who act like Valentine’s Day is “just another day” and then silently curse their partner and cry for not even acknowledging the day. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter.
9) The single people that act like Valentine’s Day is “just another day” and then update their status every 20 minutes on how sucky their life is.
10) Cardboard Hearts filled with mystery chocolates. You know the one. Every damn piece has a bite taken out of it because there wasn’t a candy key directing you properly.
11) Valentine’s Day lingerie and heart boxers. Unless you are shooting porn in your basement, leave these on the mannequins.
Screw Valentine’s Day and just screw on any day. Make every day Valentine’s Day! Love your partner without the force of a marketing ploy. Be creative, be daring, and dammit, buy the chocolates with the damn key in it!
Read past posts from our Mayhem Mommies here!
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