Dear Thirty Year Old Self (aka Me),
Today is your 30th birthday. In 10 years you will be 40. Yes, I know. You know how to do the math. Ten years ago you were 20. Did you ever imagine how fast 10 years would go by? I bet not. That is why I am reminding you, smart ass, that in just a short 10 years you will be 40.
I wish I could have written you a letter for every 10 years you have lived. I might have skipped the birth through ten years simply because kids will be kids. However, from ages 10-20 you had so much to learn. I’m not at all disappointed in you. You did a fantastic job at becoming the independent woman I knew you would be. You were always a smart girl. However, I wish you would have been a bad girl and defied your father just one time and flipped him the bird when he said you couldn’t date the man you will call “Daddy Mayhem” at age 39. He was so in love with you at age 16. Maybe you could have started your life much, much, earlier. Who knows. Either way, you ended up “Happily Ever After”. Don’t act so surprised. There wasn’t a year that went by that you didn’t wonder where he was and what he would be doing. Funny how life happens. However, it certainly was a long road.
As I look back on ages 21-30, I have to say you dated some real fucking winners. The first “love of your life” was certainly a learning experience. You got engaged at age 21 and moved out of state. You attended college there and earned your degree. You learned so much during this time both personally and professionally and it made you the person you are today. Unfortunately, you chose a career path that will never allow you to work from home. Trust me, at age 40, you will want to work from home.
When you returned from Florida minus the cheating ex-fiance, you fell off the dating charts. “Daddy Mayhem” came around a time or two during this time and you blew him off. UGH! Why did you do that? You certainly could have saved the two of you a whole shitload of heartache. Real fucking winners remember? But you both chose poorly and still ended up here. Amazing.
You’ve been doing an incredible thing for the past two years and it will continue on for 11 more. You did what a lot of people refer to as “God’s work”. I refer to it as fucking stupidity. Rescuing dogs and turning your home into a shelter was an incredible feat. You are truly one of the most selfless people you will ever encounter. You will never be rewarded the way you should be. At times you will feel completely helpless, vulnerable, and so very alone. You will burn out, you will fall, and in the end, you will quit the one thing you truly loved doing more than anything.
As I look at you today, on your 30th birthday, I see happiness in your eyes. When I look across the room at “him”, the man you are currently dating, I want to scream, “Get the fuck out”. I wish I could tell you he is “the one”. As you will soon find out, he isn’t. It has always been like you to want to “save” the bad ones and make them good. Unfortunately sweetheart, he will crush your dreams and you will be blindsided and hurt. I can tell you that you won’t trust anyone again after this for a long time. You will have a 7 year dry spell and I do MEAN dry spell (if you know what I mean). Word of advice…get a vibrator. (gasp!) You will thank me later.
You will learn who your true friends are and your enemies to boot. You will find friendships in people you would have never imagined you would. You will become an Aunt and a Godmother. You will excel at your profession and hate it at the same time. You will take a chance at love again and this time it will last. He will enter your life as fast and hard as he did at age 16. It will be scary at first and you will have doubts but after 21 years, the guy deserves a shot.
He is your champion. Your rock. Your ultimate fan. When he tells you that you are beautiful, believe him. When he tells you are not fat, just go with it. When he pisses you off, please don’t poison him or smother him in his sleep. (Yes, this will cross your mind.)
You will become a mother. Yes, you! To a human. Not an animal. The person who said “never, ever, ever”. You will be amazed every day how much love you will have in your heart for one little person. You will struggle and you will survive. It does get easier. It really does.
You will start a new hobby and although it will be slow at first, it will take you to places you never thought it could. It will help you and heal you. You will meet new people…faces and voices you will never see or hear, but they are your inspiration and you are theirs.
You will exercise, eat right, eat wrong, lose weight, and gain weight. You will get gray hair. You will feel frumpy at times. Please remember you are beautiful.
Enjoy the next 10 years!
Read past posts from our Mayhem Mommies here!
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