I haven’t blogged in a while now. Why? I’m freakin’ busy here, man. And not with court reporting. Polling. I’ve been swamped with polling. Political polls. And they’re very tricky. Why, you ask? Because political polls involve math. And math is a very complicated sport for me.
What, you ask, is the topic of my political poll? Syria. It’s all over the news. Most my life I’ve been apolitical which drives my oldest brother nuts. Frequently, where I’m concerned, he has to stomp to his bathroom medicine cabinet to get out the Q-tips. After years of family gatherings around his dining room table, he’ll be shocked to learn I’ve been listening. So, dear brother, put down the Q-tips because I HEAR YA.
Since I’m a newcomer to this whole political polling thing, please forgive my naivete if I don’t have all my facts and figures perfectly aligned. But hey, it’s math — political-style math — also known as the other white meat. Wait, that’s pork. Well, when it comes to politics and math, it’s all pork, far as I can tell.
And what my math has told me from scouring the Internet news reels (on my handy Facebook page) is that Americans are overwhelmingly in favor of going to war with Syria. Seriously, I’m not kidding. Take Dick Durbin (Il-D…the D’s for Democrat, folks; confusing, I know, because it’s the same letter grade he should receive as a Senator), he’s meeting “Syrian refugees in a camp in Southern Turkey where more than half of the camp’s ten thousand refugees were women and children.” That’s awesome, he’s polling nonvoters in a refugee camp outside his state, which makes his poll just as scientific as mine. (Good lord, I hope those folks come through for him at re-election time!)
Which leads to my poll.
From what I can tell, my unscientific poll (using the standard set by our politicians), reveals that 100 percent of my Facebook friends believe Dick Durbin should be on the front lines. Along with President Obama and Senator McCain and the rest of the yahoos in Washington who raised their hands in favor of war. I mean, it’s about time our president had some front-line experience to earn his stripes as Commander-In-Chief.
Further support for this war is coming from a very unlikely source, House Minority Leader Nancy Pilosi. Similar to her response about Obamacare when it was first published, Ms. Pilosi has been quoted as saying, “We won’t know until we get there just how dangerous this whole situation is. So I’ve packed up four years’ worth of designer suits in my Louis Vuitton luggage because that’s what the American public wants!”
Shocking but true, every US Congress[wo]man and Senator who has voted in favor of going to war with Syria have now left Washington to go home and pack their bags for the upcoming conflict! Strains of “Oh, I’m proud to be an American” have been heard blaring from bullhorns from sea to shining sea as a sign of solidarity for Washington’s mass exodus!
Finally, my poll reveals that 100 percent of Americans support our law-makers’ deployment to Syria, where there exists a serious danger that they will be killed by chemical weapons. As one of my Facebook friends, who chooses to remain anonymous, says, “Finally, a sweeping measure to clean up Washington!”