My dearest Robbie,
Please come back. Please forgive me. I was wrong to end things with you in Chicago two years ago. I was young and inexperienced when we parted ways. After you let me down against the San Francisco 49ers with those two missed field goals and then again against the Washington Redskins when you missed the game-winning kick, I overreacted. Those misses hurt Robbie, but I regret my actions. I took the mistakes you made as a sign it was time to move on when I really should have just looked at your history and seen all you had done for the city of Chicago in the past.
If I could go back, I would have paid better attention to the fact that you were the Bears all-time leader in career points (1,207), field goals, (276), and field goals over 50 yards (23). I wouldn’t have overlooked that you are the 6th most accurate field goal kicker in NFL history (for reference, Adam Vinatieri, a future hall of famer, is 14th on that list). You were only 34 years old when I kicked you to the curb, which is just the middle of a kickers career. You still had so much to give and I didn’t care.
Robbie, please understand; I was young and still new to the city of Chicago when I decided to make you leave. I didn’t even know what Portillo’s was yet; how was I supposed to understand what you meant to this city and just how dependable you were. I wanted the freedom to pursue other kickers because I thought there were better ones out there. But, as the saying goes, the grass is not always greener on the other side and trust me, that couldn’t be anymore true.
I want to be honest with you Robbie, so I will admit that I have gotten around since you left. I got around a lot; most would even call me a kicker slut. I brought in Connor Barth, Roberto Aguayo, Mike Nugent, and Cario Santos. I paid them to take your place and all they did in return was disappoint me. After using up and tossing out those kickers, I thought I finally thought I had found someone to bring in to replace the void you left on my special teams unit. I was wrong Robbie; very wrong.
I gave Cody Parkey a 4-year $15 milion deal, but all he has done so far is disappoint me more than you ever did. I can’t count on him. He was young and still has his hair Robbie; he seemed like more than a rebound kicker. So I paid him to be the kind of kicker you were for this franchise for all of those years. However, after he missed two field goals and two extra points against the Detroit Lions on Sunday, I am already having doubts. You would never do that to me. Do you know how I know that Robbie? I know that because you missed two extra points total during your first eight seasons with the Chicago Bears. I also know that because you made the “commute” to Soldier Field to practice kicking on our home field. Parkey didn’t feel like he needed to put in the extra work on our home field to adjust to the unpredictable conditions Lake Michigan provides our home field with. Can you believe him? After all I did for him? He is a kicker; what better things does he have to do other than prepare for his job? I guess he just doesn’t care like you did Robbie. I may just have a bad taste in kickers I guess.
I will admit it is hard to watch you with your new team. They are not better than us, but that doesn’t help the jealously I have for that franchise in the bay city. Over the last few years, they have not only stolen you, but also draft picks from me. I hate them Robbie. I really hate them. I want you back. Please return my calls. Please return my texts. I don’t care that I guaranteed Parky $9 million; I will take you back in today. I miss your accuracy. I miss being able to count on my kicker. I miss your bald head. Come back. Please. We need you. I need you.
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