The Chicago Bulls Need Sister Jean

The Chicago Bulls Need Sister Jean

Dear Sister Jean,

I hope you have been well since we all last saw you at the end of Loyola’s improbable run to the Final Four. You inspired a team that no one outside of Chicago had heard of to reach a place that they hadn’t been since you were in your early 40s!  Now I hate to do this to you, as I am sure are just getting back into your routine of doing whatever nuns do, but your city needs you yet again.

See, next Tuesday at 6:30 pm, the NBA Lottery will take place in our very own city and at this lottery, the Chicago Bulls will have a chance to win a higher draft pick in the NBA Draft on June 26th. Now I know you probably heard the Bulls had a rough year, but believe it or not, despite their best efforts, the Bulls earned just the 6th worst record in the NBA at 27-55. Despite trading away their entire team, benching any player that dared to play halfway competent basketball, and essentially owning a G-League worthy roster for a majority of the season, the Bulls still only have a 5.3% chance of achieving the #1 pick in the draft and a 18.3% chance of receiving a top three pick. Being that you are a former teacher, I don’t need to tell you that those are not the best odds. Not David vs. Goliath odds, but still not the best; that is where you come in.

The Bulls need to win at least a top three pick in next week’s lottery and it will take a miracle, similar to the one you performed on Loyola earlier this year, in order to do so. In 2008, the Bulls won the the #1 pick in the draft when they only had a 1.7% chance of claiming the top spot, which makes me nervous, as I feel that we already used up our once a century luck. That is why we need more than just luck. We need a larger presence on our side this time. I am talking about the man upstairs and I am going to go out on a limb and say you and the man upstairs are pretty tight at this point.

So why help the Bulls you ask? Well Sister Jean, let me tell you. Besides helping out your hometown NBA franchise, one that hasn’t been to the finals in 20 years, with a top three pick, the Bulls could quickly return to relevance by selecting center Deandre Ayton out of Arizona, who resembles a young Shaquille O’Neal and has the body of a defensive end. Do you remember Toni Kukoc Sister Jean? Foreign sensation Luka Doncic looks like the second coming of our beloved former Bull, but with the passing abilities of LeBron James. Duke phenom Marvin Bagley Jr. would be in a nice young man to add to our team too.

See, Sister Jean, this is an extremely top heavy draft, meaning the difference between having a top three pick (which as of today we don’t have) and the number six pick (our current pick before the lottery) is the difference between a playoff run being one year away or five years away (or longer). I don’t want to wait five years for the Bulls to be good again and I am sure you don’t either and if you can believe it, we are really one high caliber player away from being back in the playoffs. The Bulls have actually done a great job of assembling a nice young core of player in Kris Dunn, Zach LaVine, and Lauri Markkanen. However, we are still missing the superstar. All three of those core pieces have a chance to be great players, perhaps all-stars even, but none of them have the future potential of Ayton or Doncic. Those two players could really propel us forward into the discussion of one of the top up and coming teams. However, if we don’t win the lottery and we draft where we are currently slotted, we might struggle to draft the right player (we tend to do that a lot) and enter a longer rebuild than necessary.

So, Sister Jean, you are needed for just one more night. We need you to trade in your maroon and gold for black and red for just one night. Feel free to throw on an Bob Love throwback for good measure and come prepared to once again steal the nation’s attention and bring Chicago home a win. Now, by NBA ruling (dumb), the person who represents each team at the draft has to be a current employee of the team they represent and that is something you are not. However, the Bulls do not have a team nun that I know of. That spot is unfilled as of today. That is your spot and I doubt the HR department at the Bulls would even think about asking you for a resume. You are the #1 nun in the country, so please make sure to get on stage at the lottery next Tuesdsay and get us the #1 pick.


The city of Chicago

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