Last year I kept a live journal as I watched the 2016 Draft. Had a blast doing it and got a lot of positive feedback (plus it’s hilarious to look back at a year later), so I decided to do it again. Starting with the draft coverage that began at 6pm and going all the way to the selection of this year’s Mr. Irrelevant, here are my thoughts. Warning: The Jimmy Butler trade may or may not have taken over this journal and ruined my life. Well, enjoy!
6:00- Draft coverage starting. Solid group of Rece Davis, Jalen Rose, Mike Wilbon, and Jay Bilas. Actually love it. Replace Rece with Wojo and it’s Rushmore up there.
6:08- First mention of Lavar Ball. Kill me.
6:10- Interview with Lavar Ball. 10 minutes in. To a draft. Where he is not a draft prospect. And ESPN wonders why it is losing viewers.
6:10- Turn off TV
6:19- Turn TV back on. No more Lavar. De’arron Fox is showing us his watch that is worth more than my yearly salary. This is fun again.
6:27- Showing Kristaps Porzingis getting drafted by New York just two years ago and getting booed. If only he had gone to Philadelphia that year. If I had a time machine, preventing the Okafar pick would be one of my first priorities. Oddly, when trying to explain time travel to then GM Sam Hinke, I feel like Hinke wouldn’t have been rattled. He would have just accepted I was from the future and picked Kristaps.
6:35- Adam Silver is up there. This is happening! Let’s go!
6:40- Markelle Fultz selected by Philadelphia 76ers at #1.
6:43- Fultz looks like a baby, but I feel like he has 0% chance of being a bust.
6:44- Fultz is showing us the inside of his jacket. It is aboslutely absurd. Him and Embiid are going to do such dope things together.
6:47- Lonzo Ball selected by Los Angeles Lakers at #2. Will Lavar go up with him? Nope!
6:49- Ricky Rubio comparison for Ball. Lavar can’t be happy about that. Kind of see it but Lonzo’s vision is just on another level. Plus, Rubio can’t shoot at all.
6:50- Alright. We knew those two were going to get picked. Now it gets fun. Boston on the clock.
6:51- Lavar is back on TV. He is dumb. Said Lakers are going to the playoffs this year? Sure.
6:52- CHICAGO TRADE. BULLS….NO!! YOU SONS OF BITCHES. THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE
6:53- That is one of the worst possible trades we could have made. So dumb. Just ruined my night.
6:54- I am not processing this well. We didn’t even keep our #16 pick? How? How did people who actually have the job of running the Bulls make this trade? We went from multiple Boston picks during last season to this? This was a heist. I pray fake news is a real thing right now.
6:55- Jayson Tatum selected by Boston at #3. I seriously don’t care though. This journal is about to turn into a therapy session. Jimmy Buckets was traded for nothing. Makes the Boogie Cousins deal look legitimate. I understand nothing.
6:57- We moved up 9 spots and got Kris Dunn and Zach Lavine. Fire Gar. Fire Pax. Burn the United Center down. I can’t believe that just happened. None of that makes sense. Kris Dunn looks terrible and Lavine gets hurt every year and is up for a new contract soon. Neither of those guys are worth shit.
7:01- Josh Jackson selected by Phoenix Suns at #4.
7:08- De’Aaron Fox selected by Sacramento Kings at #5.
7:09: Woj is 2 picks ahead and everyone is shitting on the Bulls (as they should). No more Twitter for me tonight.
7:15- Jonathan Issac selected by Orlando Magic at #6.
7:18- I have decided that if the Chicago Bulls can figure out how to draft Kevin Durant at #7, then I will be ok with the trade. If not, then they need to fire everyone. Full on purge of the organization. Don’t even spare the popcorn man. Everyone must go.
7:19- I just realized how good the Minnesota Timberwolves are going to be. Butler, Wiggins, and Towns. My god.
7:21- If we pick Lauri Markkanen or Zach Collins, I don’t know if I will ever recover.
7:22- ……………………………..NO. LAURI FUCKING MARKKANEN. We already have a soft forward in Nikola Mirotic. I don’t even want him. Why on earth would we want to draft his clone. WHAT ARE WE DOING!!
7:24- Just got the Channing Frye comparison…..we just sent Jimmy Butler to Minnesota for Channing Frye….NO…GOD NO.
7:27- Frank Ntilikina selected by New York Knicks at #8.
7:30- Lauri Fucking Markkanen.
7:33- Dennis Smith Jr. selected by Dallas Mavericks at #9.
7:38- Please don’t show the trade up on the screen. I am nowhere near the acceptance phase. Still very in denial. Convinced the Russians were involved.
7:40- Kings are forever dumb. Trade pick to Portland. Portland Trailblazers selects Zach Collins at #10.
7:43- Alright. Self-pity party is over. Despite the fact that Bulls trade makes the Bears draft day trade look genius, the draft comes once a year and it is one of my favorite nights. The commentary will return. Will try my best to enjoy this and worry about the franchise suicide the Bulls committed earlier tonight at a later date. However, I must say one more thing before I drop it (will I drop it tonight. 100% no. But let me be in denial). If Minnesota is able to grab OG Anuoby out of Indiana at #16, a player who I think will end up being a much NBA player than Lauri, I will be punting my laptop across my living room. I will admit that is not that nice of a laptop and replacing it won’t put me in a hole, but that sequence of events will result in me destroying my laptop, which will really put a stop to this journal.
7:47- Charlotte Hornets select Malik Monk at #11. A more athletic Jamal Crawford. Great pick by Hornets, who usually stick to tall, lanky white guys. Right year to move in a different direct. They should thank Portland for taking Collins so they didn’t have the chance to.
7:52- Detroit Pistons take Luke Kennard at #12. Actually love the pick and think Kennard will be solid in the NBA. This is no Jimmer. Kid can play.
7:58- Denver Nuggets select Donovan Mitchell at #13. Like it, but was really hoping OG went there so….that punting situation doesn’t go down. I only have one laptop. I would like to finish this piece tonight.
8:00- As Mitchell gets interviewed, I can’t help, but wondering how many strippers he had relations with during recruitment.
8:02- They are starting to talk about how fleeced the Chicago Bulls got. MUTE.
8:05- Miami Heat select Bam Adebayo at #14. Like the pickup. High motor guy who can throw-down. His biggest con is that he is Dwight Howard’s doppelganger. Hopefully we all don’t hate him in 10 years.
8:07- Lottery is over. A lot to be said. Unfortunately, I can’t comment. I am also terrified because Justin Jackson just got picked by Sacramento and Minnesota is up. OG is still out there. My laptop is sweating bullets. My laptop feels like Leo when he is undercover in The Departed. He is so close to being exposed and whacked. My poor laptop.
8:14- They brought the Bulls back up. They are showing our new lineup next year. To be nice, I am not a fan of said lineup. It looks like a train wreck alongside a coastal town that is in the middle of a hurricane. I am not muting the TV right now because I am an idiot.
8:18- Dam the Timberwolves are going to be good. Let’s see who they pick. Take care laptop.
8:19- The Timberwolves selected Justin Patton at #16. The laptop lives! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
8:26- I can already spell Markkanean correctly without looking it up. My first win of the night.
8:28- Dam does Milwaukee have a type. Another lank for the Bucks. D.J. Wilson will be fun there. Love it. Also, random yet important side note; Wilson went to Michigan. Michigan (located in Ann Arbor) is home to the best sandwich shop in America. Zingermans Delicatessen is the absolute GOAT when it comes to sandwiches. I dropped $50 for two sandwiches and two sides a few months ago as I was passing through on my way back from a wedding and I feel like I didn’t pay enough. I almost feel like I robbed them it was so good. I feel like I almost robbed them as much as the Timberwolves robbed us tonight. Almost…..
8:32- Indiana picks a white player. Textbook. Love to hear about his underrated athleticism, hustle, and toughness. The cliches hurt. They hurt almost as much as the Bulls trading their franchise for hot garbage.
8:37- Finland hasn’t won a gold medal in the last two summer Olympics. In conclusion, Lauri is terrible and the Bulls front office needs to be excommunicated from Chicago.
8:43- Harry Giles picked at #20 by the Kings. Unfortunately, going to be a bust. Very Kings. Traded the #10 pick (which could have been Monk, thus pairing Fox and Monk to create one of the most exciting backcourts in the league) for Justin Jackson and Giles. That is what you call a bad front office. A front office I dare to say is ALMOST as bad as the one in Chicago. Almost…..
8:56- This coverage wont let up. They just “officially” announced the Bulls Timberwolves trade. Thanks Silver. Thanks for telling me to fuck off “officially” an hour after the fact.
9:04-OG Anunoby to Toronto Raptors at #23. Kid has huge upside. Freak measurements and athletic ability. One of the top boom or bust prospects in this draft. Two years ago, no one knew who this guy was. He also just said in his interview he is going to keep wearing short shorts and that he is going to celebrate with cheesecake. Love this guy.
9:17- First round is dragging. I think I am riding for the Bulls to pick Frank Mason in the second round. Frank Mason may be the only thing that can salvage this night for the Bulls. Guy has a song about him. You know who else had a song about him? Michael Jordan. The comparison is bulletproof.
9:22- Caleb Swanigan just got picked by Portland at #25. Good for him. Glad to see him go in the 1st round. Couldn’t have done anything else at the college level to improve his draft stock.
9:32- I just went to the fridge to get a piece of chocolate peanut butter pie I had been saving to eat my feelings. It looks like my roommates threw it out for some reason. I am unreasonably upset by all of this. This is just not my night.
9:36- Tony Bradley just got picked and I have to say he has incredible upside. Didn’t get much playing time at North Carolina, but when he played, he really jumped off the screen. Think the Jazz got a legit big.
9:38- In all honesty, losing Jimmy Butler and my peanut butter pie in the same night might launch today into the discussion of being the worst day of my life.
9:42- San Antonio is about to draft. You know this is going to be a smart pick because its a well-run organization. That sounds nice.
9:44- The Spurs selected Derrick White. Perfect spot for him. White will have a longer career than Lauri. Not even a hot take. It will happen.
9:47- Josh Hart finished up the 1st round. On to the second! Bulls are going to redeem themselves! I can feel it!
9:55- Charlotte with another great pick? Frank Jackson has the first pick in the second could pay huge dividends. Jackson should have went back to school. Could have been a lottery pick next year. Jackson could thrive learning from Kemba Walker.
9:58- Nevermind. Frank Jackson just got traded to New Orleans. Not as good of a situation. However, fantastic food scene. Top 3 food city (right behind Chicago and New York).
10:06- Wesley Iwundu goes to Orlando Magic at #33. I like their picks tonight. Him and Austin are both super long athletes. You can tell they have someone new running the show. I wish the Bulls had someone new running the show about 4 hours ago. Then things would be different…..
10:08- Wilbon is talking about Josh Jackson on the Suns right now. Since I neglected most of the lottery due to my meltdown, let’s revisit really fast. Jackson, alongside Devin Booker is fun to think about. They will be pretty terrible this year, but if they can get a top tier point guard to pair up with those two, things could get interesting.
10:10- Frank Mason to the Kings at #34? Guy is going to try to beat out Fox. Do we have a RG3-Cousins situation here? (for those of you unaware, in 2012, the Washington Redskins selected Heisman winning quarterback Robert Griffin III with the 2nd overall pick in the draft, but then also selected quarterback Kirk Cousins in the 4th round. By 2014, Cousins was the starter and Griffin was on the outs. Today, Cousins is the face of the Redskins and Griffin works at Subway or something) Wait a second….Frank Mason III. Robert Griffin III. My god. What have the Kings done.
10:12- Ivan Rabb goes at #35. Would have gone in the lottery last year. The lesson? Don’t go back to school.
10:16- Jonah Bolden picked by the 76ers. They are crushing it. Bolden going to be a key contributor off the bench of the 2020 NBA Champion Philadelphia 76ers.
10:21- Alright Bulls. You are on the clock. Who is the worst player available? That is your strategy right?
10:24- The Chicago Bulls selected Jordan Bell (Nice! He looked great in the tournament. He can rebound and block shots so he will be good to have because Lauri cannot do either). I can only assume the purge was successful, as that was a pick Gar and Pax would never have made.
10:32- Went back on Twitter. Found out the Bulls traded Jordan Bell to the Warriors for cash. I can’t even make this stuff up anymore. First Jimmy, then Lauri, then THE PIE, and now this. 2017 draft is officially my least favorite draft.
10:34- Thomas Bryant got drafted? Wait what? Are the Bulls drafting again?
10:49- Noticing a lot less foreign players going in the second round this year. Feel like in past years the 40s were dominated by foreign players teams would stash. Think it really shows how deep this draft really goes. Still some big names left on the board. Nigel Williams-Goss and PJ Dozier should get drafted.
10:58- This guy Mathias Lessort from France looks like a beast. And they said he was supposed to go to Gonzaga? He would have won them the title this year.
11:01- Will the Bulls trade back into this draft to mess up even more? Wouldn’t that be something?
11:09- Nigel! To the Jazz! I remember watching him dominate in the McDonald’s All-American game way back when. Think he will play a long time in the league. A lot longer than the Bulls second round pick at least…..
11:20- Cameron Oliver is still available? Wait what? Bulls! Pick up the phones. Draft next year’s first. Get back in here and grab him.
11:22- Alpha Kaba is the final pick of the draft….never heard of him. Will never speak his name again.
11:22- Well. That escalated quickly. Another draft in the books. Won’t forget that one anytime soon. RIP Jimmy.