Are These NBA Conference Finals For Real?

Are These NBA Conference Finals For Real?

I haven’t posted in quite some time and it’s the conference finals fault. Seriously though, it needs to relax and return to some level of normalcy. I put a lot of work into a piece revolving around how the Toronto Raptors were the worst team to ever make it to the Eastern Conference Finals. I wasted hours upon hours of my time researching some of the most over-matched, under-qualified, garbage teams to ever play in the ECFs, and what happens? Toronto wins both games at home and tie the series up at 2-2. In to the garbage you go Toronto sucks material. I burned the midnight oil for several nights, feverishly describing how the Thunder vs. Warriors match-up was the real NBA Finals (still true), and how the Warriors would not be stopped. Welp, the Warriors have been stopped. I am never going to get those hours back and now no one is ever going to get to read the amazing Zika virus tangent I went off on for three paragraphs in that article (it was actually really great. Need to work that in before the Olympics start this summer and everyone starts dying. At that point, it won’t be funny anymore). Also began writing something on how Draymond Green was going to carry the Warriors to victory; Nope, not going to work, as he is too busy turning the ball over and kicking Steven Adams in the nuts (I once took a ground ball to the groin and proceeded to fall onto the ground and cry for 45 minutes. The thought of Green’s Fat Albert shin knocking into my family jewels at 5000 MPH sends a chilling shiver down my spine. There is no way death is not a better option then that event occurring. Vegas odds currently sit at 10/1 that Adams can ever create a child and 1000/1 odds that he will ever fully mentally recover from that trauma. I imagine there are many sleepless nights on the horizon for the young Aussie).

So besides ruining every idea I have come up with over the past couple of weeks, what is this postseason? Seriously, I am all over the place on how I feel. Nothing is going as planned. The 73-9 Warriors. Wait, that doesn’t get my emotions down. THE 73-9 WARRIORS  (better) are down 1-3 to the Thunder and face an elimination game tonight. They have lost a third of the games they lost all season in the last week. What is happening? Why? Speaking of why, why isn’t Dion Waiters making stupid decisions game after game? Did he visit Oz and suddenly get a brain? Since when did Steven Adams develop an offensive game? Did OKC fly Hakeem Olajuwon down to teach him that spin move he has smoothly began utilizing in the paint? Or is he in Toronto schooling Bismack Biyombo? If not Olajuwon, somebody has to be right? A Michael Jordan draft pick bust doesn’t just randomly come out of no where and grab 26 rebounds in a game like he did in game 3 without some help. You didn’t see Kwame Brown doing that shit. Then there’s Andre Roberson. ANDRE ROBERSON. He shouldn’t even be getting minutes. Hell, he probably doesn’t belong in the NBA. But sure enough, here he is, raining three-pointers in the NBA Western Conference Finals.

Honestly, it’s pointless to keep writing because everything above will probably soon be outdated and wrong. Waiters will soon be doing what he does best; jacking up three’s and turning the ball over. Adams will forget how to score, Biyombo will go back to being….well nobody, and Roberson will be demoted to the d-league where he belongs. It’s a joke, but it’s not really. One of the most unreal conference finals series to date and to be honest, it has be excited about the Finals. I wasn’t before, but at this rate, this all must just be the beginning. More unsung heroes will come out of the woodwork. More Olajuwon students will emerge in the post. More groins will be kicked. It’s going to be a crazy June.

As I finish writing this, Game 5 of the Toronto vs. Cleveland match-up has just reached halftime. Cleveland is up by 31, a NBA Conference Finals record. Of course they are. Giddy up playoffs, keep doing you.

Leave a comment