Movie Review - The Eagle

by David Schuster


In sports parlance, an eagle is a great accomplishment. It’s two under par on a hole in golf. But the recent cinematic release “The Eagle” is anything but great. In fact, it downright stinks.
This is a story from back in 140 A.D. of a roman soldier who is intent on clearing his family’s name by recapturing an eagle medallion on a stick that looks like it came straight Walgreens. Channing Tatum plays the Roman soldier and though he was passable in movies like “Dear John” and “Fighting” he just isn’t up to snuff in this piece of garbage.

Of course he gets to take his shirt off numerous times but that’s because his physique is way better then his acting. And if you do go see this dribble try not laughing to yourself when you realize that Romans and all the other different foreign natives in this movie speak perfect English.

British actor Jamie Bell plays Tatum’s slave who vows he will escape when he gets the chance but in the end becomes Robin to Tatum’s Batman. And I laughed out loud at the end of the movie when the two walked out of a room almost skipping hand in hand after recovering the 99-cent looking eagle.
There is a lot of violence in “The Eagle” which normally is not my cup of tea but in this instance was a welcome relief from the bad acting but the worst part of this movie is that it took itself way too serious. Check out the bad music bed played underneath it trying to tug at your emotions. What they should have done is play the Three Stooges theme and have a few “nyuk, nyuk, nyuks.”
Oh yea…and it was way too long at nearly two hours. Actually one hour would have been too long for this flick. “The Eagle” on the stick was really crap on a stick…my rating – an infield popup – or a half-star.

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