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Bad Parallel Parkers in Chicago? Fine 'Em

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jpirc

Like most of my fellow Chicaogans, I hate all the fines imposed on us by the Chicago machine. Parking meters, red light cameras, street cleaning--you name it, Chicago has, and will, find a way to fine you for it. Which is why it pains me that the solution to the problem I'm about to talk about is --you guessed it--more fines.

But hear me out. The problem I'm talking about plagues thousands of Chicagoans every day. The problem I'm talking about can be mitigated by drivers simply taking a little responsibility for how they park.

If you live on a side street in Chicago, then you feel my pain. I'm talking about those asshole drivers who, when they parallel park, clearly take up more than one spot. Many of you know what I'm talking about. The rest of you lucky bastards either don't have cars or you have nice, private parking spots for your car.

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Normally, 3 cars should be able to fit in this area.

So that's where I come in with the solution to this aggravating problem. And my solution helps out everyone.

Install (paint) parallel parking spots on side streets. Simple solution, yes? Exactly. And let me tell you why.

By painting parallel parking lines on side streets, Chicago residents would be forced to park like civilized human beings. No more screwing the other guy over because you couldn't move your car up those three feet. Everyone would get the spot that they deserve.

And if you just have to park like an asshole? Boom. Here comes the City of Chicago parking police, ready to write you a ticket. First, a warning. Then, you're fined. A great new revenue stream for Chicago, and a great relief for all of us residents who are sick and tired of driving around our blocks at night, passing that too small parking spot.

But what if you have to park over the lines because the jerk in the space in front of you is already over his/her lines? Simple. Take a picture of the other car with your cell phone or digital camera, and send it in to a service that will validate your claims. Yes, we'd have to set up a unique service to enforce these rules, but it's a small side effect of all the money the city would be generating. And I'm sure Mayor Daley already has someone on the inside who he could sell this project to.

So there's my solution. But I want to hear your opinions on this. Feel free to write some comments below, and I'll be sure to respond to them.

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2 Comments

Chicago Vince said:

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It seems like a great idea from Easter to Thanksgiving, but once there's snow/ice on the ground, there's no telling where those lines are and I would hate to get a ticket due to snow.

jpirc said:

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Yep. You're absolutely right. And that would make sense too. It would be only enforceable during those dates (kind of like the 2" snow rule).

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