Food Fight

Happy Challah Days

La Shana Tova! Which is Jewish for "Word Up to the New Year."

Tonight starts Rosh Hashanah. It's a time for celebrating what's to come by looking back and trying not to make the same mistakes. This is harder than it sounds. Especially when we celebrate all the wrong things, like pretty bigots.

Don't get me wrong, Carrie Prejean is a lot like Sarah Palin, which is to say HOT if they never opened their mouths to speak. Unfortunately, they like speaking and the things they say in front of millions of people are the opposite of sexy. They're boner killers. They offend God.

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Actually, I wouldn't know what offends God. 

How can I possibly think I understand God, or what God wants, or what his plan is, or even if he's a he or a she or gets offended by pretty bigots. For all I know, God has a fetish for pretty bigots. 

L'Chaim! Which is Jewish for "It's All Good."

There's no such thing as traditional marriage. There's no such thing as straight marriage. There's no such thing as gay marriage. There's just "marriage," and marriage has evolved, thank God, like divorce.

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Some marry for money. Some marry for kids. Some even marry for love, believe it or not. But it's no ones business why, or who, someone marries. 

Listen, most of my friends married women I would never marry, let alone have sex with. But it's none of my damn business. 

So what did I do? I'll tell you...

I went to their weddings, ate cake and rooted for them to be happy. At most of these weddings, I didn't have a date. So God came with me. 

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We had a good time. Except for the dancing. God's a lousy dancer. We talked. We talked a lot. But when God explained the plan, even when God tried to put the plan in the simplest possible terms, I didn't understand. I just smiled. I smiled a lot. What can I say, God looked cute and I was glad to have a date for the pictures. Although, I must confess: God looked fat in pictures and wouldn't let me post them on facebook. God's vain. Oy Vey! Which is Jewish for "Take Off the Sash, Take Off the Crown, Take Off the Flag Pin and Get Over Yourself, For God's Sake."
 
Happy New Year, Carrie.

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16 Comments

Babs said:

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Happy New Year FOODFIGHT guys! I am hoping for some Jewish weddings in the near future, the end of our boys and girls in Irag and Afganistan, health care for all with a public option, and some jobs returning to the marketplace. Wouldn't that make for a truly Happy New Year! Just one or two of those would make for a perfect first term, and a nice beginning for a second term. Come on everybody, if you believe, pray, if you don't believe keep your fingers crossed and call, write, march, get organized and help our brilliant President!

Greg Morelli said:

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I'm typing with my fingers crossed. Thanks, Babs.

Walnut said:

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Happy New Year! Peter Pan told me to clap my hands if I believe. Babs I believe and I'm clapping...

Greg Morelli said:

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Thanks, Tinkerbell.

Ed Nickow said:

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Here's my addition to Al Cheit, which is Jewish for "here's how I screwed up this year" ...

For the sin which I committed by not reading Food Fight more often.

I finally find a minute, read your great High Holy Day message, and now I'm really pissed that I don't get here more often.

Thanks, Greg.

And L'shana tova.

Greg Morelli said:

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Put in a call to God to get you forgiveness. Got voicemail. And voicemail was full. Sorry.

rainbow said:

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i like your take on god...sorry God...
i like your take on marraige, whether it´s a gay marraige, a straight marraige, a happy marraige, a hard marraige...
does God have voicemail???

Greg Morelli said:

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Hang on, I'll check.

rainbow said:

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i like your take on god...sorry God...
i like your take on marraige, whether it´s a gay marraige, a straight marraige, a happy marraige, a hard marraige...
does God have voicemail???

Greg Morelli said:

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Keep getting a busy signal. God must be busy talking to a self-important beauty queen.

vinvegas said:

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At least Carrie Prejean has a "special purpose." Any hot blond can do porn. But God chose this one to tell all the homos that they are equal to the straight flock. That great.

Navin R. Johnson had a special purpose too. I want a special purpose. Dubya spoke with God and also had a special purpose; to bring the world to it's knees. Bill Clinton's special purpose launched the Dubya Inquisition across the States. Did God give him that special purpose too?

vinvegas said:

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I meant to say "God chose this one to tell all the homos that they are NOT equal to the straight flock."


Greg Morelli said:

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God has excellent taste in pretty bigots.

Greg Morelli said:

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Bill Clinton's special purpose was to pull out on health care and blow it all over a blue dress.

Teresa Puente said:

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Barbie shouldn't be the one to tell us who should be allowed to marry who. Support gay marriage.

Greg Morelli said:

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The Beatles got it right, "All You Need Is LOVE." By the way, Barbie's a lesbian.

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