Food Fight

The Crying Fish

One day, I plan on opening a Sushi Restaurant. When I do, it's going to be called The Crying Fish.

By the time you open a restaurant, please be sure you know the difference between good ideas and bad ideas.

By the time you open a restaurant, please be sure you know not to hire the daughter of one of your mother's closest childhood friends.

By the time you open a restaurant, if you're torn between ideas, and unsure about hiring the daughter of one of your mother's closest childhood friends, please be sure she's not a victim masquerading as a vegetarian.
Speaking of victims, don't be one. There's been a series of robberies in Lakeview, so keep an eye out and don't be brave about walking home alone instead of calling a friend if it's late, and you get that Laci Peterson tingle.

Be careful. It's not easy to spot someone who's out to hurt you. It's bad enough when it's the jerk on Sheffield gunning for your wallet. It's even worse when it's the boss at Joey's Brickhouse gunning for your pride.

Dana had easy target written all over her. So I take most of the blame, since I antagonized her with my all-time favorite game, "Taunt the Vegetarian."

Here's how it goes...

Strategically hide chicken in Dana's vegetable lasagna; explain to her, over chocolate milk, how no animal is treated worse than the milking cow; put chicken stock in her tomato soup; repeat.


I treated her like a little sister. Which was the wrong thing to do. I was still a new boss, so mistakes happen. This type of mistake was a holdover behavior from a lifetime of torturing my brother, Greg. 

I'm an expert button pusher.

Dana was a button in gym shoes. Heading into the weekend, I typically run a fish special at Joey's Brickhouse. On what turned out to be the very last night Dana worked for us, I prepared Mediterranean Sea Bass over Israeli Couscous.

As I was showing all my servers the weekend special, I singled out Dana and said, "Did you know fish cry when they die?" I'd be lying if I told you I didn't enjoy her reaction.

Soon after, Dana quit. Soon after that, my mom got a letter from Dana's mom, letting us know we were lucky she didn't sue us. 


When I think of all the people out there who are hurting other people, or even worse, pretending they're looking out for you while they're actually invested in hurting you, I look back on myself, in my very first year as boss, and think: I could have done better, waaaay better.

Dana, I'm sorry.

Please tell your mom to call my mom. There's no use crying over spilled milk just like there's no use ending a 40 year friendship over crying fish.

To that end, here's my recipe for Israeli Couscous, minus the fish.

1 cup

Israel cous cous-cous


1 cup

Boiling hot water

1 each

Carrot & broccoli crown cut into small pieces

½ cup

Soy beans


Shredded napa cabbage

½ cup

Corn cut off the cobb

1 cup

Small diced red bell peppers and poblano peppers

½ cup

Extra virgin olive oil & Champaign vinegar

To taste

Salt, white pepper & cilantro (or your fav herb)

  1. In a dry sauté pan brown the cous-cous & put in a large bowl with boiling water
  2. Cover with plastic wrap and leave in the fridge for 2 hours
  3. Dice all the veggies evenly with consistency to your size liking
  4. Take the couscous out of the fridge and fluff with a fork
  5. Toss with oil to your taste
  6. Add your favorite herb (I love cilantro & raw red onion)
  7. Email with questions, or praise!
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Babs said:


you are harder on yourself than you need to be! She was a nightmare! Now maybe that's alittle harsh-as being the mother of 2 boys and the target of alot of teasing-I remember NO crying!! Maybe raising girls is different, but the constant crying over every little thing left a strong desire to be rid of her! So I say HURRAY FOR CRYING FISH!!!

Greg Morelli said:


Rather be hard on myself than abusive to others. Looking over your shoulder, at the wake of pain you leave behind, is the difference between a mensch and a meshuggener.

Dana was a brat. But as long as she worked for us, she was entitled to be a brat. It was our job to help her change, or respectfully end the relationship. Not pick on her.

Picking on someone else because you've been picked on is a phony right of passage. Step up and say, "I'm stopping this by not passing it on." Especially if you're going to call yourself the boss.

rainbow said:


be nice! everyone!

Walnut said:


Oh Joey you just like to tease I remember you freaking out my intern with soft shell crabs...I laughed so hard beer came out my nose!

Joey Morelli said:


Listen, Walnut. Walk immediately to the corner of shame and blow out the candle. Because there is no light in the corner of shame!

Walnut said:


Listen Joey the corner of shame is reserved for award shows only...

rainbow said:


i'll come to the crying fish with greg. we will have green tea ice cream as an appetizer and then he will have won ton soup and we will have edamame and red wine. right greg?

rainbow said:


thanks for sharing your recipes

rainbow said:


hahahahahahahah i like your good idea...

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